Dirty Secret

"You were."

About… sex… and… something. Oh. Other people. That's a way to keep from mounting him. Talking about other people who I want much less than I want Cam. "I've wanted people. I've wanted to have sex just to experience it. But I've never trusted anyone enough. Or wanted them enough to get over the lack of trust."

"Which is it?"

"Huh?"

"Do you want me or trust me?"

"Both." I take another sip of coffee. Mmm, sweet, sweet caramel and cinnamon. "Did you think it was sexy when I asked?"

"Very."

"Why?"

"It takes confidence to ask a question with a yes or no answer," he says. "It takes strength to take a no in stride."

That is what happened, isn't it? "Is that why you love saying no?"

"I love torturing you."

"Is that what you've been thinking about all summer, torturing me?"

"Mostly."

If it's really been two months—"Have you had an STD test?"

His pupils dilate. "You want me to fuck you bareback?"

"Are you safe?"

"Yes."

"I have an IUD. It's basically foolproof."

"Nothing is foolproof."

"This is close."

"Maybe."

"Really?"

"Do you really want to ask again, sweetness?"

I shake my head. "But you have my permission."

He half-smiles. "Ten minutes ago, you tried to claim you're patient."

"I'm being very patient. I could be on my knees under the table."

"You'll hurt yourself."

"Then in the bathroom."

He shakes his head. "Your first experience in a bathroom? No."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so."

"Where would you consider acceptable?" I ask.

"Wherever I decide."

I pout.

He smiles. "Would you really do it here?"

"Maybe."

"Bullocks."

Okay, it's bullshit, but—"I would in the bathroom."

Again, he shakes his head.

"The limo. Or your hotel room. A hotel room nearby. Or a dressing room."

"You could wait until we got back to my hotel room?"

Maybe. "Yes."

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"Say, Cam, take me back to the hotel room and fuck my pretty mouth."

My cheeks flush.

"You can't say it." His smile widens. "Bold, brash Sienna Simms can't admit she wants to suck me off."

My cheeks flush. "Cam!"

"Is it not true?"

"I… uh…" My blush deepens. "So Amsterdam."

"Say it. You might get what you want."

"Here?"

"No."

"Soon?"

He nods. "It's up to you." His voice is a dare. "Say it and get what you want. Or ask about Van Gogh and… we can go to the MoMa. Your call."

Chapter Thirty-Five

Sienna

Say it and get what you want. Or ask about Van Gogh and… we can go to the MoMa.

Sex or a museum?

An art museum?

A modern art museum?

What an obvious choice.

Of course, sex with Cam is the clear winner in any face-off. Even against soccer.

Would I rather get sweaty on the field or in his bedroom?

Duh.

No wonder Alice tells us to stay away from boys all season. If he asked, I'd skip practice all week to sweat my ass off in his bed.

I want him.

And I want this. Not just because I want to try it, because I want to know how.

Because it's Cam and I trust him and I want him and I really fucking like him.

I've had chances with other guys. Make out sessions that could have gone further. Guys who hinted, or asked, or took my hand and put it on their dick.

Over their pants, but still.

I know where it is. I don't need them to put it there.

They don't do it the way Cam does, slowly and carefully, like he's the one offering me the privilege of touching them.

They're rushed and clumsy and desperate for any kind of action.

Don't get me wrong. Sometimes, it feels good to brush against a hard-on. But I never understood why other women were so enthusiastic about the event. The first time Katie blew her boyfriend, she couldn't shut up about it.

Which was annoying—she's always bragging about sex—but also curious. What's so great about getting a guy off?

Sure, I wanted to have sex; I wanted to experience all of it. I even contemplated sex with random guys.

But I never once considered blowing them.

No way. No thanks. Uh-uh.

Now, with Cam—

Fuck, I want it so badly.

Like what I've read in books. His hands in my hair, his cock in my mouth, his groan filling the space.

And what I've seen in movies. The positions of bodies. Women kneeling before men in their thrones, or crawling up their bodies in bed, or bending over the back seat of a car.

The full range of experience in porn. From the soft, slow savoring to the aggressive face-fucking.

Whatever it is, I want it.

As long as I get him in my mouth.

As long as I get to touch him.

As long as I make him come.

But I have to say it.

Why can't I say it?

He's right. I'm bold, brash Sienna Simms. I claim what I want. I shout it from the fucking mountaintops.

I can claim this.

I can do it verbally.

Eventually.

Cam's eyes stay on me as he waits. Unlike me, he's incredibly patient.

No, it's worse.

He enjoys waiting.

He enjoys torturing me.

Okay, I enjoy it too. But in a much more oh my god it needs to happen now way.