Finding Solace
“We’re not going to complicate things just yet,” she replies.
Lowering my head, I scrub my hands over my face. What am I doing? What was I thinking? It was supposed to be a few days, visit my mom, and then head off. To where? I don’t know, but I know I have to be careful. My past could catch up to me if I’m not. And here I am, possibly dragging Delilah into my messy life as if there couldn’t be any repercussions to hers.
Her hand covers my knee, and when I peer up at her, words aren’t needed for me to know what she’s thinking. The crinkle in her forehead, the lilt of her lips, and the sorrow that’s returned to her eyes tell me everything I need to know. I take her hand and raise it to my lips for a kiss. There’s not much else I can do while trapped in this truck.
Most of the ride back is in silence, the three of us in our own thoughts. I don’t mind the quiet. I’ve spent more time alone than with others in the past four years. Being a loner was sort of a job requirement, so I was a natural since I was looking for a way to escape. To hide.
I made a few friends and bonded with a woman on the last job, but that bond only went friendship deep. A deeper connection is what I’ve been missing. Eyeing Delilah through the space between the front seats, I’m already feeling connected to her again. I don’t know if I should protect my heart, but I feel like it might be too late.
14
Jason
A small basket of eggs is just inside the barn when we arrive back at the Noelle farm. Delilah grabs it while Billy and I unload the truck. It’s good to do physical labor like this. It burns off the restless energy I feel inside, the same energy I used to burn off by running away from my problems.
Billy comes up behind me and grabs the last bag as I haul some rolled-up fencing. “So between us, it’s obvious you two are on again. Does that mean you’re sticking around?” he asks.
“Are you asking out of curiosity or concern?”
“A little of both. She’s a good woman.”
I drop the fencing along the outside wall of the barn and give him a long, hard look. “You interested?”
“Nah. We’re friends. Nothing more. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about her or her well-being.” Tilting the bill of his hat up, he wipes his arm across his forehead. “Heck, I wouldn’t be out here so much if I didn’t.” He slides up on the tailgate and chugs from a thermos. Water drips from the cap when he pulls it away and pours some on his face, then swipes a bandanna across it.
I look back to make sure Delilah doesn’t hear this interrogation. When it comes to certain things like the farm, I’m not sure I’ll get the dirty details from her. “How are you running your farm and this one?”
“My family is still running our farm. My brother secured some grocery store deals. We have new equipment and hired some guys.”
“What about the Noelle farm? Be honest, how’s it doing?”
“Sometimes, I think she wants this place to work, and sometimes, I wonder if it’s holding her back.” Shaking his head, he looks at the house. I follow his gaze, and we watch Delilah chopping wood. Chopping wood is not an easy job, but she seems to be managing quite well and looks sexy as fuck doing it. Her body’s tight with great muscle definition in her arms and legs. She was always more than this farm, though.
Billy adds, “She’s pretty independent and self-sufficient, but how long can she run this place on fumes?”
“Fumes?”
“Her sister’s in New York City working to save this place.”
“Yeah, but she said the bank gave them an extension on the loan.”
When he looks back at me, he lowers his voice, and says, “Cutler made Delilah take a second mortgage on the farm to start his business.”
“What? When?”
“Two years ago.” Scratching the back of his neck, he scrunches his face and seems unsure if he should be saying anything. “Look, Jason, don’t tell her I told you this. She wears her heart on her sleeve, but when it comes to this farm, her pride gets in her way.”
I look back at her. The farm works her in all the right ways, but it still pisses me off that she has to work it at all. She’s always been a stunning woman, but that’s the outside. Her insides are warmth to my cold heart. She makes me want to stay in so many ways. I just wonder if I’m too far gone to be the man she deserves, the man she needs, the man she wants.