Finding Solace
Us versus them.
He pled not guilty. Not surprising but he’s still an asshole.
As much as I wish we hadn’t experienced the nightmare of that night, it brought me to an understanding. Taking Jason’s hand as we watch him be charged, I have no regrets. I would put my life on the line time and again for the ones I love.
Cole Cutler is asked to stand. His assigned lawyer stands behind the defendant’s table with him nervously tapping his fingers against the tabletop.
My hands don’t shake. Anger is stronger than the fear he used to instill in me. The judge reads the charges, and then asks if he understands what he’s being charged with. With his head down, he replies, “Yes.”
The judge asks, “What do you plead?”
Cole’s lawyer whispers in his ear while I anxiously await his answer. I take a deep breath, holding it. Cole nods, looks at me, and then to the judge. “Guilty.”
The gavel strikes, causing me to jump. I whisper to Jason, “Did he plead guilty?”
“Yes.” This is what we wanted when we walked into the courthouse this morning, but the shock of it happening is staggering. I sink back in the seat, not sure what to do with myself or these welling emotions inside me. Jason’s chest deflates, and he exhales his relief. However, something in his body language surprises me. Grabbing the bench in front of us, he lowers his head.
I pop back up, rubbing his back. “What’s wrong?”
“He was my best friend.” When his eyes land on mine, he asks, “How could a person I once trusted be so intent to destroy our lives?”
That is a question I’ve given so much thought to but avoided thinking about in the aftermath of kicking him out and our divorce. I think I was still so shell-shocked about what I’d been through and doubtful that he’d ever really be gone from my life. And now I know that fear was well founded.
There’s no obvious reason for his actions. Greed? Hate? Sadness? “Jealousy.”
My marriage to Cole never felt real, not in the ways that count. Marriage is love and beauty, support and friendship. I was betrayed, tricked into believing I deserved less in life. He had to beat me down to keep me from seeing the truth. But I see. So clearly, I see what could have been versus what became. One rash decision changed our lives forever, and I’ll always carry half that blame.
But Jason’s forgiven me, so I need to start trying to forgive myself. It’s not about how long it took us to find our way back to each other. It’s that we found our way despite the detour.
Jason nods silently, but then moves to leave, taking me with him. His mother catches us in the hall, hugging us to her. “Is it over?”
“They were charged,” he says, assessing the courthouse exits. I wonder when he’ll truly be home and not need to know how to escape, if necessary. “Not sentenced. He pled not guilty, so he’ll go to trial.”
She looks from him to me and back to him. “What about Cole?”
“Cutler pled guilty and will go straight to sentencing. We have to wait.”
Meredith replies with a smile, “Well then, how about dinner tonight?”
We have dinner with her at least once a week, when she’s not busy with her boyfriend, Fred Carver from the hardware store. Jason starts grumbling, but I place an arm on him and reply, “We’d be happy to. Will Fred be there?”
“Yes. I think it’s time for my guys to spend some time together.”
“You’re killing me, Mom.”
“Oh, you’ll live. I have needs too—”
“No.” He rolls on his heel, turning his back to us. “I do not want to hear about your needs when it comes to stuff like this.”
“Maybe we’ll have a double wedding,” she teases. I love that she gives him a hard time. It’s good for him.
I joke, “Our girl is all grown up.”
“Don’t you start in.” Walking backward toward the doors, he says to her, “We’ll see you tonight.”
“Love you, Jase.”
“Love ya.”
I catch up to him, laughing and smacking his ass as I pass. He’s quick, though. And good with his hands. Correction: great with his hands. I’m scooped up in his arms outside the courthouse, kissed, and carried to the truck. I’d fight, but it’s a good way to travel—all bundled up in his arms.
When I’m set down, my back rests against the truck, and he cages me in. As always, I’m ready to make out right here on the sidewalk, but it seems he has other plans. “I want to take you somewhere.”
With how he’s looking at me right now, he can take me anywhere.
Needless to say, time hasn’t tempered our attraction or the chemistry between us.
I didn’t expect to be sitting across from Sabrina Smith inside Solace Pointe National Bank, but here we are. Cole’s name has been removed from all the farmhouse paperwork and put fully into mine and Shelby’s name. “It’s surreal,” I say to Jason, who’s sitting next to me.