Finding Beauty in the Darkness

I laugh softly and rest my head back against his chest, enjoying the way our bodies move together—feeling the comfort of his heart beating against me.

“Thank you,” I whisper, needing him to know how thankful I am for what he’s done for me.

Gio squeezes me tight, his way of acknowledging that he knows I’m not just thanking him for a nickname, but for so much more.

Our time dancing ends too soon and before I know it, we’re saying our goodbyes and heading back home. Nico insists the limo drops us all off at Gio’s house, assuring us he’ll get Amber home safely. I give her a silent look to make sure she’s okay with that and she gives me one back that conveys she’s more than okay with it.

When we get back to the house, Gio and I head to his room. I grab a pair of pajamas and go to the bathroom to change. When I come out, he’s standing in his boxers, about to pull on his sweats. It might be the liquid courage in me, but without giving it a second thought, I bridge the gap between us, and stepping up behind him, I wrap my hands around his torso.

He freezes at my touch, then turns around. “Ari…”

“I want you,” I say boldly, not wanting to think about or discuss this. I want to have this…have him. With all the craziness in my life, I just want something for me. I want to feel his touch and his warmth surrounding me.

Holding my gaze, he pushes a lock of hair behind my ear then studies me for a second. His eyes run over my face and down to my lips. He rubs the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip then his eyes flit back to mine, a sad smile gracing his face. “If we have sex, it’d be nothing more than that. Sex. You deserve more. You deserve shit I can’t give you.”

“I’m not asking for anything more than that.”

He goes to turn away and I know it’s because he can’t handle the connection between us. I stop him, both of my hands holding onto his arms, needing him to understand. “I haven’t had sex of my own free will in almost a year.” I swallow thickly at my own words, holding back the tears threatening to well up.

“And it’s still too soon. It’s only been a little over a month since you got here. Since you miscarried your baby.”

My hands fist at my sides at the rejection, but also at the fact that once again someone’s telling me what I need and how I feel. “I’m aware of how long it’s been,” I grit out. “I know what I’ve lost. I was the one there.”

“Then you know it’s too soon,” he murmurs.

“I know it’s my body and my mind and it’s definitely my heart and I get to decide that.”

Gio rubs his hand over the scruff on his face, but I don’t stop there. Reaching up, I frame his face with my hands, so he gives me his full attention. “When we kissed, I know you felt it too. How good we could be together.”

“Of course, I did. But then what? We get married and have tons of babies and live happily ever fucking after? That’s your future, not mine.” He backs out of my hands and looks away. His words are cold, devoid of all emotion. They remind me of how he speaks when doing business.

“Don’t speak to me like that,” I snap. “Your parents are married.” Regardless of how uptight they are, his mom and dad kissed and held hands while we were there. He doesn’t come from a broken home so I don’t get why he’s so anti-relationship.

“My mom was a whore!” He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “She was a whore in one of the bordellos in Italy. She worked for my father. He took her out of that life and saved her. Sure, her life is better now in many ways, but she also lives with guards around her. Her life is put at risk every day. My grandmother was killed in Italy in a shooting. Is that what you want? To live in fear of being killed every day?” Gio shouts the last question, his temper getting the best of him.

And now it all makes sense. Him not wanting anything more. But it doesn’t stop me from wanting him. When you’ve been through what I have, you come to realize life’s too short and can end too quickly to live in fear.

“I think it should be my goddamned choice!” I shout back. “It’s my life! You don’t want me? Fine! But I need to move forward. I need to get a job and earn a living. I need to go back to college! I want my life back!”