Deviant (Boys of Winter 3)

As the guys talk among themselves, I try to get comfortable by pulling my backpack behind my head when my fingers brush over the envelope that Cruz had left for me. I pull it out and as quietly as I can manage, I open the envelope and unfold the letter, only to feel devastation tear through me at the three lines he’d left for me.

Babe,

We’re heading out for a few days to deal with some shit. We’ve locked the house down and all the alarms are on. You have everything you need in the house so you shouldn’t need to leave.

Please don’t fucking leave. You’re safe here.

Cruz.

P.S. I fucking love you. This wasn’t my idea so don’t be pissed at me!

That’s it? That’s his fucking letter? Screw him. That tells me absolutely nothing. I want to know where the fuck they’re going and what they’re going to do when they get there. Hell, I want to know everything and the asshole leaves me three lines and a plea not to be mad at him.

God. If I could climb into the front seat and pull his junk out through his throat without being seen, I would. Instead, I toss his stupid letter aside and stare up at the roof, feeling completely helpless.

The car keeps moving, and it’s not until we’re flying down the main road toward the highway that Carver finally speaks again. “Did you leave some water and painkillers for Winter? She’s going to be feeling fucking sorry for herself when she wakes up.”

“Yeah,” Grayson says with a slight chuckle. “She completely wrote herself off. I’ve never seen her so bad. I know she just wanted to let loose after graduating, and it’s not like life hasn’t been throwing flaming piles of shit at her lately, but we can’t let her get that bad again. She stripped down to her birthday suit in Ember’s closet and fell asleep with nothing but her jacket covering her. What if someone had walked in and taken advantage of her? We should have been watching her better.”

“Bullshit, really?” Cruz demands. “We should have left the second we got there. There were too many people. We put her in danger.”

“So, now you fuckers want to listen to me,” Carver grumbles. “She got you all hooked by the fucking balls. If Winter says she wants to fuck one of you on a bed of razors, all three of you would fight over who got to be the one to do it.”

“We don’t need the fucking ‘I told you so’ speech,” Grayson mutters. “We know we fucked up, but so did you. You could have said no and we would have taken her straight home. You’re just as guilty in all of this, if not worse. If she hadn’t been shot and cooped up at home for weeks, she probably wouldn’t have gone so hard.”

“Really?” Carver grunts. “Twenty minutes into a six-hour drive and you want to bring that shit up now? Really, that’s fucking great.”

Grayson lets out a loud huff and the car falls into silence for a short minute before King speaks up, his tone broken and full of guilt. “Fucking hell,” he mutters. “I swear, I put her in the fucking bathroom and she was completely fine and then I don’t know what happened. One minute she was kicking me out, and two seconds later, she was gone. I was looking for her for ages. I just don’t … I don’t know how she could just disappear like that.”

Gone? I wasn’t gone. I was sitting on that toilet for like half an hour and then my head started to get dizzy which is pretty much where my memories of the night start to get a bit hazy. I remember getting up and washing my hands and face, and then stumbling out into the hallway, but why was I stumbling so much? I can be a sloppy drunk, but even when I’m throwing up my guts, I never get so clumsy.

Last night was different.

I was calling for him, searching every face, but he wasn’t there. I couldn’t find him when I needed his help.

A heaviness sinks into my stomach as I start to recall the weird feeling in my arms and legs and how my head wouldn’t stop spinning, especially as I was calling his name. People were bumping into me, making it harder and I just wanted to scream but I couldn’t. No one was coming to help me.

I felt like I was in one of those dreams where you’re running as fast as you can from the monster chasing you. You’re pushing yourself harder and faster, but you’re not getting anywhere. You can’t save yourself and the fear just keeps rising.

But that hallway. I feel like there’s something I need to remember from that hallway.