Where Monsters Hide (The Monster Within 1)

Confusion overwhelms my anger.

“What?”

I want to growl or snarl, but it comes out as more of a puzzled question.

He shuffles his feet. “Want to sit with me?”

“I’m just here for coffee.” I walk past his table, but he doesn’t sit back down.

The bar filled with breakfast items hasn’t been maintained yet this morning. That’s how early it is. Yesterday’s stale cereal fills the remaining containers, and there’s no milk or orange juice. There’s still some coffee grounds next to the coffee maker, though, so I start brewing some.

I hear footsteps behind me. A glance over my shoulder shows me it’s Bennett, slowly approaching. I sigh.

“Look, man, can you just leave me the fuck alone right now? I don’t have time for this. I just want to get my coffee and go back to my room.” Really, I want to get a little extra practice in on the course, but I’m not about to tell him that. It’s only Wednesday, after all. Still plenty of time for him and the others to terrorize me before they grow tired of it this week, again.

He stops and shoves his hands into his pockets. “I actually wanted to apologize.”

I press the button to start the coffee and turn to face him, shocked. “What?”

He’s looking at the floor. It’s strange to see someone so big looking so small. His massive shoulders are hunched up to his ears, and he’s nervously shifting his weight and fidgeting. His hands move from his pockets to awkwardly rubbing his thighs, and then back again.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I don’t … I didn’t want to do that to you. And I didn’t want you to get yelled at like that. And I’m sorry about your parents.”

This is the most I’ve ever heard Bennett talk. I study his face. Is he … shy? Now that I think about it, he only really makes eye contact with me when the other boys are around. The whole tough guy thing must all be some kind of act.

“Is that so?” I ask, cocking my head as I survey him a little more. “Then can I ask you something?”

He nods, nervously tucking his arms across his massive chest.

“Why’d you do it if you didn’t want to?”

He gets even more nervous. He looks down, scuffs his toe on the floor, looks up at the ceiling, looks down again … and so on. So goes the bear man.

“I guess … because they wanted me to.”

I don’t have to ask who he means; I know it’s Owen and Piers.

“They’re not bad guys,” he says quietly. “Sometimes they do bad stuff.” He shrugs. “Sometimes I do too.”

His words are simple, but that’s the only thing simple about Bennett. His honesty is refreshing. It’s not so naïve as say, Sawyer’s brand of honesty, but there’s an innocence to Bennett I can’t ignore. I can see it in him now—the belief that his friends, Piers and Owen, wouldn’t be asking him to do something if they didn’t think it was truly for the best.

It’s so misguided, it breaks my heart.

“That doesn’t make what you’ve done forgivable,” I say. “But I can’t say I don’t understand.”

I don’t know why, what’s making me do it, but I step forward and reach up to pat Bennett on the shoulder. Here, so close to him, he’s nearly overwhelming. He’s so tall my head only comes up to the middle of his chest. And he’s warm. It’s like he’s radiating heat I can feel, even though we’re barely touching.

My hand lingers on his shoulder, and for one second, I feel the overwhelming urge to close the gap between us. Chalk it up to the lack of coffee supplying oxygen to my brain, or the way it pains me to see someone like Bennett being played for a fool, I don’t know.

His eyes flicker up to mine, and then to my mouth, and then I’m stepping away, my hand dropping to my side as quickly as it rose to reassure him. All these weeks, Bennett has been nothing but a thorn in my side. Suddenly, he feels like something more.

What that is, I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to know.

He’s actually looking at me now. He reaches up and ruffles his dark hair. He’s so handsome right now I could melt. Bear one moment to giant teddy bear the next; that’s Bennett.

I’m rescued from having to confront these budding feelings by the welcome ding of the coffee machine in the corner. Never have I poured two cups of coffee so fast. I don’t know how Erin lives like this, I think, as I’m barely able to use my shaking hands to shove sugar packets and coffee creamers into the pockets of my hoodie.

I pick up my cups and practically run out of the dining hall, but as soon as I get to the door, I hear Bennett call me again. I have to turn around.