Meant to Be (The Saving Angels 1)

I wasn’t as lucky. I had badly wanted to see nothing but darkness when I closed my eyes, but instead was flooded with the images of Mark being pulled away yet again. I had hoped that since Mark and I were growing so close, that the bad turn the dreams had taken would have stopped, but actually they were getting worse. It always feels like Mark is taken against his will, but maybe that’s just me being naïve. Of course the torment that has shackled me my entire life from being abandoned by my real parents didn’t help; add to that the grief from my adoptive father dying, and all I could think was that maybe I was cursed somehow, and doomed to spend my life alone.

Since sleep was no longer an option, I decided to quietly get up, taking care not to wake Sam. The sun was just beginning to rise as a soft pink hue crept through my blinds. Feline left the room with me and waited for me to settle in one of the chairs in my loft area before he leaped onto my lap. I stroked his soft fur absently. It seemed selfish to feel so melancholy when I had literally met the guy of my dreams. I should be jumping for joy at my good fortune, but instead I was filled with doubts about the stableness of our relationship in light of the dreams. Could the dreams really mean that he was going to leave me? Maybe I just wasn’t what he was expecting after dreaming about me for so long. Maybe I should break it off to protect my heart before it was too late? Just the thought of ending it left me cold. It was way too late for that now. I loved him; I have always loved him, I just had to trust my heart that he loved me also.

Frustrated that I was ruining a day I had been looking forward to, I set Feline on the floor and headed off to the bathroom to take my shower. I showered quickly and within minutes I was blow drying my hair. Instead of my usual ponytail, I opted to pin the sides back with a couple of bobby pins. I added a dab of foundation and a touch of peach lip gloss to my dry lips. With one last glance in the mirror, I switched off the light and headed back to my room to wake up Sam.

She was already up. I recognized the small secretive smile on her face that I myself had worn hundreds of times over the years before my own dreams had taken their sudden dark turn. It was the smile of just waking up from a dream where you had been with the guy you love all night.

“Is it okay if I go take a shower?” She asked.

“Of course, you never have to ask, what’s mine is yours.”

I took a few minutes to straighten up the clutter from our late night. I made my bed and folded Sam’s blankets before stowing the trundle bed away. I clicked on my IPod and scrolled down to my favorite play list and then docked it on my stereo. Music flowed out of the speakers and I danced down the stairs with Feline once again at my heels.

I popped a couple of whole grain bagels into the toaster and grabbed the cream cheese and OJ from the fridge. While I waited for our breakfast to finish, I filled Feline’s food and water dish and poured two tall glasses of juice.

The bagels popped up and I reached for them without thinking, burning my fingers on the hot metal on the side of the toaster. A few choice curse words ran through my head in quick succession as I stuck my throbbing fingers into my mouth and sucked on them as I struggled to open the freezer door with one hand. Right about now, I missed the fridge with the automatic ice dispenser from our old house. I pulled the ice tray out with my good hand and made the futile attempt to disengage the ice from the plastic holder one handed. Giving up in frustration, I struck the edge of the laminate counter with the plastic ice tray sending four cubes scattering across the kitchen. One bounced into the sink, another skidded across the floor landing under the ancient stove, and two slid across the counter. I rescued the two on the counter, wrapped them in the middle of a paper towel, and placed them on my still throbbing fingers looking for relief.

I did the best I could, gingerly spreading the cream cheese on the bagels. “None of this would have happened if I was eating a cupcake,” I muttered to Feline. I hated the days that I had to eat healthy. A brownie would have hit the spot this morning and I wouldn’t have burned the tips of my fingers like an idiot. I scowled when I saw the angry blisters that had risen on three of my fingers. “Great I look like a mutant freak.”

I headed back upstairs juggling the bagels and OJ for each of us and heard the shower click off as I set the plates and glasses on the table.

My mood lightened when I realized that in a few hours I would be with Mark again. The other stuff I would work out later. For now, I just wanted to be with him at whatever cost, even if it meant another blow to my fragile heart.

After breakfast, we finished cleaning up and then headed downstairs. I walked to my mom’s studio at the back of the house and tapped on the door quietly.

“Come in,” my mom called out.

“So, you guys are off?”

“Yeah, we ate breakfast and now Sam’s ready to tackle some rides. Do you think I can have some money for the day?”

“I left a couple of twenties on the counter for you. Be careful and stay together,” she said as I headed out the door.

I grabbed the car keys and the money my mom left out for me, and Sam and I headed out the door.

We rolled the windows down and cranked the music up as we drove to the Boardwalk. We couldn’t help but belt out the words to the music as the warm sea air ripped into the car blowing through our hair. I sniffed in appreciation. The smell of the ocean was definitely one thing that I loved about living here.

Mark and Shawn were waiting for us by the entrance as promised, and my doubts were put to rest as I gazed at him. What had I been thinking? There was no way I could ever let him go. If he ever decided to leave me, I would just to have to deal with it, but for now, I was going to live in the moment. I had spent my whole life so far over analyzing every decision. This time I would let my heart lead the way.

Mark and I slowly followed behind Sam and Shawn as we quietly talked about our dream from the previous night.

“What do you think it means?” I finally asked after a few seconds of silence.

“I don’t know, but we should definitely be on guard, I’m not happy about the alteration of our dreams, and all the other things that are going on. It’s cool that we all share some kind of bond, but I’m concerned about the ramifications of what it all means.”

“I am too. I’m scared you’re going to leave me,” I admitted in a quiet voice.

Looking down, I wished I could retract the words, but they were already out there. What was wrong with me? I had always been such a private person, and here I was spilling out my darkest insecurities with the one person that I wanted to keep them from.

Mark reached out and grabbed onto my hand, lending me the reassurance that he was here now. We walked hand in hand behind Shawn and Sam who was practically bouncing with excitement over the rides. She was like a kid on her way to meet Santa. Her excitement was contagious and mine and Mark’s somber mood were lifted as we watched her.

The first ride Sam wanted to go on was enough to make my head spin just looking at it. The attendant helped us into the car after high-fiving Shawn.

“Hey man, what’s up? You don’t get enough of this place when you’re on duty?” Shawn laughed. “What can I say, I’m a glutton for punishment,” he said as his friend closed the door to our car.

Before I knew it, we were spinning out of control. Sam gripped the steering wheel in the middle of the car and increased the spinning even more. The momentum of the spinning sent me crashing against Mark’s rock hard side. I gasped in awareness as my body touched his from shoulder to toe.

Sam laughed at me as I staggered off the ride like I was drunk. Of course little did Sam know, it had nothing to do with the ride. I chanced a look at Mark and was surprised that he looked like he was suffering from a case of vertigo also.