Misunderstandings (Woodfalls Girls 2)

I recoiled at his words as everyone around us seemed to gasp at once. From the corner of my eye, I could see people snapping pictures with their phones. I’m sure we were quickly reaching the timelines of every Facebook page on campus. My cheeks felt hot as I searched for the words to set him straight, but all I could focus on was the judgment on everyone’s faces.

“It’s my body and my choice,” I lashed out, ignoring the whispers and comments of the students around us.

“You are a heartless bitch,” he said, with acid dripping from every word. “If I never lay eyes on you again, it will be too soon.”

I acknowledged his words by turning my back on him and heading toward my dorm. It took all the strength I had to keep myself upright, walking past every stare and snicker until I was out of Justin’s sight. My actions had caused a sea of hurt and misunderstandings. I could have set him straight and defended myself, but his eyes held me back. When I looked in them, I saw nothing but anger and hate. The kind of hate that is incapable of understanding. His intention today was clear. He was the judge and jury together, and I was already guilty in those eyes.

• • •

Melissa was devastated that Rob had spilled my secret to Justin. She begged me to let her set them both straight. I refused her pleas. I used guilt as a weapon, telling her the only way she could make it up to me was if she never mentioned the truth to either of them. I knew by the look on her face it was a low blow, but I stuck to my guns. She tried to wear me down over the next few weeks as my name rapidly circulated around school. Stares and whispers followed me everywhere I went, making it impossible to put the whole thing behind me. As the weeks progressed, my body recovered, but my will was completely broken. I was anxious for spring classes to end so I could leave. Without telling Melissa, I took the appropriate measures to transfer to a college closer to home for my junior and senior years. I wanted to leave everything behind and go where no one knew the half-truth about what happened.

31.

Present Day

4:37 PM

“I never got an abortion,” I admitted. It was a relief to finally have the words out there.

“What?” Justin asked, jerking his head up.

“I said, I didn’t get an abortion. I lost the baby that night I saw you and Shelly together. Someone pushed me down the stairs at Jacob’s apartment complex and I lost the baby,” I said, willing my voice not to break. I had already cried so many times over the past two years that it seemed impossible that mentioning the baby would tear me up again.

He looked like he could vomit. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he pleaded.

“In the beginning I was going to tell you about the baby, and then everything seemed to fall apart. I was so scared, and I thought you had moved on. I figured it would muck things up even further if I told you before I made up my mind,” I answered, standing up so I wouldn’t feel so vulnerable.

“Why did you let me publicly shame you like that? Were you trying to be some kind of martyr?” He stood also, sounding angrier than before.

“God, do you ever think before you speak?” I snapped. “Since you’re so into the inquisition here, let me fire a few questions your way. Do you think it’s possible that I was completely freaked out over the entire situation? Because you know, pregnancy can do that to a girl. What do you think my frame of mind was when I walked into a crowded room to find you with another woman? Then you shot me that fucking shit-ass grin when you saw me, and don’t try to deny it. We both know what the hell you were doing. As for the public shaming, I had just gotten over a miscarriage, so I’m sorry if I wasn’t prepared to do battle with you in a public forum. I didn’t say anything because you fucking screamed like a lunatic, announcing to everyone that I had aborted our baby. You think at that point I wanted to give you the satisfaction of knowing the truth when you had ripped my heart out and stomped on it in front of everyone? I lost our baby in a painful miscarriage, but even if I had done the awful thing you accused me of, yelling it across campus would still have been wrong. You should have come to me,” I said, exhaling the last bit of breath from my tirade.

Justin stood in silence, recovering from the bomb I had dropped on him.

“I was mad,” he said quietly as his shoulders drooped.

“Yeah, well, I was hurt,” I countered. “Not only that, I had to leave to get away from what you did. You turned me into the martyr, not me.”

“I should have handled it better,” he admitted.

“You’re just saying that because you now know all the facts.”

“No, I mean it. I’ve known for years what I did was wrong. Hell, I knew while I was doing it, but I was like a rogue wave out of control.”

I nodded. I could understand that part.

“Why didn’t you tell me later? Why did you allow me to continue to think the worst of you?”

I sighed, thinking about the question before I answered it. “I guess at the time I felt like I deserved it. Abortion was one of the options I considered. When you were yelling at me, it almost made everything a little bit better. I was so sad after the miscarriage. You yelling at me shifted the pain away from the loss of the baby to something different.”

“You were sad?” he asked, joining me on my side of the elevator.

“It broke my heart when I lost our baby,” I said thickly. “I didn’t realize how badly I wanted it until I lost it,” I answered as one lone tear trickled down my cheek.

Justin reached out tentatively and captured the tear with his thumb. “You wanted our baby?”

I nodded, transfixed on his hand, which slowly moved away from my face.

“You can’t touch me,” I whispered. I wasn’t ready for physical contact after everything we had exposed.