Forever Changed

“Hey, Peanut,” I said, pulling her close to me.

“You didn’t die,” she said in the sweetest voice I had been missing for months.

“No, Peanut, I didn’t die. Just a boo-boo,” I said, holding my hand up so she could see my gauze-wrapped hand in the moonlight that was streaming through my window.

“Just like me?” she asked.

“Yep, just like that,” I said, giving her a squeeze. “I love you, Peanut.”

“I luz you too, Kass Kass,” she said, drifting off to sleep.

“Do you need more painkillers?” Mom asked from the other side of my bed.

“Do you mind?” I asked as my hand blazed out of control.

“Not at all,” she said, climbing out of my bed and retrieving my pain pills off my dresser where I had left them. She shook out one and handed it to me with a bottle of water.

I took it gratefully, mumbled my thanks and promptly fell back to sleep.

***

The next morning I woke to my hand once more on fire. I looked over and found Mom was already awake. “What do we do with Peanut today?” I asked quietly, taking care not to wake her up. The original plan was to send her to school, but the craziness of the night put a wrench in that idea.

“I asked Mrs. Miller if she could watch her while we’re at the courthouse,” Mom answered, standing up and stretching. “Do you need another pain pill?”

I shook my head no. “I’d rather not. They make me sleepy and I want all my wits about me today.”

“You trust him?” she inquired, finally asking the question we had been avoiding.

“With every fiber in me,” I said.

She nodded and left my room.

Anxiety raced through me as my moment to step up to the stand approached. I knew when Kass and her mom arrived because I could hear the sympathetic murmurings of the crowd around me. I saw them take the seats behind the prosecutor out of the corner of my eye, but I kept my eyes straight-forward, focusing on the task at hand.

The lawyer's words seemed like mumbo jumbo as I remained fixated on the back of my father’s head in front of me. He greeted me like we shared the closest of father-son relationships when I first arrived, but my standoffish attitude had his lawyer encouraging him to turn back around.

My aunt, who was sitting beside me, squeezed my hand reassuringly as they called my name. She supported my decision to speak today and lent the moral support I needed. I walked to the stand with lead in my legs. I placed my hand on the Bible and repeated the

words that were asked of me.

"Yes, I swear to tell the whole truth, so help me God."

And that is exactly what I did. I recounted every beating I had ever taken, every drink my father took, and every drug he had ever tried. The defense attorney tried to interject when he realized I wasn’t here for my father. From the moment I began talking, I spoke to only two individuals in the room, Kassandra and her mom. This was my apology to them. I had kept quiet my entire life, just trying to get by to prove I was nothing like the person who was on trial. This was my chance to finally stand up for myself.

My words brought tears to their eyes that flowed freely down their cheeks and I was glad for the closure I was giving them.

My father sat in shocked silence as I continued in great detail. Hearing the truth was a tough pill to swallow when you had been drunk for the last eighteen years.

I felt pity for him, he was my father after all, but I kept my eyes firmly on Kass and her mom. This was what was right, this would set them free.

Epilogue

We floated along in our canoe together with me tucked securely between Maddon’s legs as he rowed us effortlessly through the water. The springs had become our place to continue to get to know each other more.

“So, Megan says hi by the way,” I remembered, knowing if I forgot to tell him, I wouldn't hear the end of it from her.

“Cute, tell her I said hey back," he said, setting the oars in the canoe by our legs so he could wrap his arms around my waist.