Dirty Beasts

“It really is a flying cow!”

They laughed and clapped and cheered and waved,

And all of them were well-behaved

Except for one quite horrid man

Who’d travelled from Afghanistan.

This fellow, standing in the crowd,

Raised up his voice and yelled aloud,

“That silly cow! Hey, listen Daisy!

“I think you’re absolutely crazy!”

Unfortunately Daisy heard

Quite clearly every single word.

“By gosh,” she cried, “what awful cheek!

“Who is this silly foreign freak?”

She dived, and using all her power

She got to sixty miles an hour.

“Bombs gone!” she cried. “Take that!” she said,

And dropped a cowpat on his head.

The Toad and the Snail

I really am most awfully fond

Of playing in the lily-pond.

I take off shoes and socks and coat

And paddle with my little boat.

Now yesterday, quite suddenly,

A giant toad came up to me.

This toad was easily as big

As any fair-sized fattish pig.

He smiled and said “How do you do?

“Hello! Good morning! How are you?”

(His face somehow reminded me

Of mummy’s sister Emily.)