Dirty Beasts

Toad turned his head and looked at me,

And said, as cool as cool could be,

“Calm down and listen carefully please,

“I often come to France to tease

“These crazy French who long to eat

“My lovely tender froggy meat.

“I am a MAGIC TOAD!” he cried.

“And I don’t ever have to hide!

“Stay where you are! Don’t move!” he said,

And pressed a button on his head.

At once, there came a blinding flash,

And then the most almighty crash,

And sparks were bursting all around,

And smoke was rising from the ground . . .

When all the smoke had cleared away

The Frenchmen with their knives cried, “Hey!

“Where is the toad? Where has he gone?”

You see, I now was sitting on

A wonderfully ENORMOUS SNAIL!

His shell was smooth and brown and pale,

And I was so high off the ground

That I could see for miles around.

The Snail said, “Hello! Greetings! Hail!

“I was a Toad. Now I’m a Snail.

“I had to change the way I looked

“To save myself from being cooked.”

“Oh Snail,” I said, “I’m not so sure.

“I think they’re starting up once more.”

The French were shouting, “What a snail!

“Oh, what a monster! What a whale!