Grumpy Cowboy (Single Dad Collection)

“One-pump chumps? All of them?”

“Believe it or not, that’s actually what we’re lookin’ for here. The sooner we fill a vial with their semen, the better. We’ve got a hundred bulls to work through in a day, and that’s the kind of thing that takes time, even if they go quick.”

“That so doesn’t apply to the human equivalent,” I say before thinking better of it, and once again, red spreads into my cheeks.

Thankfully—surprisingly—Rhett doesn’t call me on it. Instead, he hobbles forward toward Ronald to take over.

I jump into action without thinking then, because I know damn well he doesn’t need to be standing next to a full-grown, huge bull when he can’t get out of the way quickly if he needs to. At least, not without doing so much damage to his leg that it’ll be over for him here at Shaw Springs.

I mean, these bulls appear pretty controlled and used to the hump schedule, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t any risk involved.

They’re fucking bulls. They’re giant beasts. They’re basically walking, grunting, “I’m a huge risk” billboards.

“I’ll do it,” I nearly shout, the words just flying out of my mouth before I can stop them as I jump forward with a hand in the air to volunteer. “I’ll collect the sperm. I can do it.”

Good God, what is happening to me right now?

Ronald and Rhett glance between each other, and then do some sort of nod in private, manspeak communication. I wait for Ronald to move the bull who’s just finished back out of the way and return with another before stepping forward.

Ronald nods in introduction, rather than sticking out a hand, but given where it’s been for the last few hours, I don’t object.

“Hi there,” he says cordially.

“Hi,” I respond. “I’m Leah.”

“Nice to meet ya.”

I smile nervously. I cannot believe I’m about to hold a cow Fleshlight for a bull while he blows his load.

This is so crazy, it almost doesn’t seem real.

I’m a doctor, for God’s sake. And suddenly, I’m working in the adult bovine industry, procuring sperm to be sold in the online marketplace.

Yeah, and sadly, this is about to be the most action with a penis you’ve had in months…

Oh my God. I roll my eyes at myself and try to keep my mind-set professional.

I am a serious bull sperm collector. I’m just…doing my job here. Just helping bulls blow their loads in the name of the national cow population. It’s basically a patriotic duty. Like joining the military or running for president.

Goodness. Even I’m having a hard time acting like that thought process is completely normal, but when Ronald starts to give me instructions on the hump-inducing device, I’m well aware time is officially up and I’m about to go where most women—most human beings—never thought they’d go.

Right into the ring with a horny bull and a fake cow vagina in my hand.

Holy shit.

Rhett

I watch as Ronald places the large tube in Leah’s now-gloved hand, and the enjoyment that I thought I would get out of putting her in this situation doesn’t come.

If anything, I feel like I’m living up to what Tiny called me earlier—a real evil bastard.

But despite my newfound reticence, the show goes on. Once Ronald is confident he has her all squared away with instructions, he offers a wave goodbye before he heads out, and Leah is locked and loaded and ready to begin her task of her first sperm collection.

Fucking hell. This feels wrong.

If my mama found out I put a woman like Leah Levee in this situation, she’d beat the shit out of me.

And kindhearted Jenny Jameson isn’t exactly one for violence.

Most women around here wouldn’t think twice about this shit, but I know for a woman who lives her life in bright dresses and six-inch heels, this kind of thing has to come as a hell of a culture shock.

A part of me wants to tell Ronald to stop and finish the rest of the collections before he leaves, but I know he has plenty of other shit to get done today—plus, a whole other part of me feels vindicated in the choice.

Leah’s known I haven’t wanted her help for well over a week now, and still, she’s insisted on inserting herself into my days anyway. She’s had an out—she’s had several, really—so in that sense, I feel like all’s fair in this kind of war.

Eyes back toward the ring, I watch as Tilly, one of our younger ranch hands who’s apprenticing under Ronald, offers Leah an encouraging smile as he holds the female cow still.

Leah licks her lips nervously and steps up to the bull, her eyes damn near bigger than the bull’s, and it all feels like a real kick to the fucking gut.

Shit. I can’t let this continue.

“Hold on!” I shout toward the two of them, and Leah pauses to glance at me over her shoulder. “Don’t do anything just yet,” I instruct, my words firm enough to get my point across.