The meddling, the pressure, the tough love from my dad—all of it always felt like a burden I didn’t think I’d earned. But seeing him like this—seeing him helpless like he was last night—has completely recharacterized it all in my mind.
He wasn’t demanding—he was demanding more from me because he could see the strengths I possessed.
He wasn’t preaching to me—he was preaching for me, his hope to lift me up and give me the tools to succeed.
He wasn’t trying to be in charge of my life—he was trying to get me to take charge of myself.
“Rhett,” my old man says, his voice gravelly and weakened in a way I’ve sure as hell never heard.
Quickly, I jerk my head off the bed and reach out to take his hand in mine. It’s the first time I’ve heard him speak since last night, and it only half sounds like him. He’s clearly been through the wringer and then some; his normally pinkened skin is pale and sunken, and his messy hair is going every which way without a hat.
A sick twist grabs hold of my stomach as I read the truth plain as day in his eyes.
If it weren’t for Leah being there—if it weren’t for getting lucky—he very well might not be here anymore.
All the fights and arguments we’ve gotten into over the years feel like a lead weight on my shoulders. I don’t know that I’d go back and change the past if I were given a second chance if I didn’t know this feeling, but right now, feeling the way I do, I know I’ll think harder going forward.
“Yeah, Daddy,” I say through a tight throat after forcing a swallow. Sometimes, to outsiders, the impulse of a grown man to call his father “Daddy” seems out of place. But I can say with the certainty of all thirty-six years of my life, that I wouldn’t be able to change it right now if I tried. On the outside, I’m a grown man with thick skin and a hard head. But on the inside, it’s been a long damn while since I’ve felt this much like a scared little boy.
“Cheer up, boy, and stop lookin’ so sad, all right? I’m doin’ just fine, but watchin’ your heart break like it is for much longer, I think, might just turn that around.”
“I’m…just…I’m sorry—”
“Rhett, no. Don’t go doin’ that, okay? Ain’t no one sorrier than me for stickin’ my head in my ass so much.”
“Daddy—”
“I’ve gotta learn to take it out every once in a while. Look around and such.”
“I haven’t exactly been seein’ things clearly, old man.”
He chuckles then, coughing a little and grabbing at his chest at the movement. “Ow, fuckin’ hell,” he rasps. “Remind me not to fuckin’ laugh again for a while.”
I smile.
“Listen, you’re my DNA, and I’m pretty sure the Y chromosome of that shit is at least ninety percent stubborn mule. I’ve never taken any real offense to your attitude because I had the same goddamn one with my daddy.
“That said, if you tell your mother I took the Lord’s name in vain just now, I promise you there’ll be hell to pay, you hear me?”
I can’t help but laugh. The relief of seeing my dad be so much of himself is swift and potent.
“I won’t tell, old man. I swear.”
“Good man. I guarantee that wouldn’t be good for either one of us.”
“I know.” I smile at him. “And I also want you to know that I’m gonna make a bigger effort to take what you say to heart when you’re tryin’ to give me advice, and to take Leah’s orders seriously, too. I realize now that you were just tryin’ to make sure I came out of this with a leg that functioned.”
He wheezes then, shifting slightly in the bed before challenging, “Oh, come on now. Tell me that’s the only thing I’ve gotten you out of this.”
“What do you mean?”
“Boy, don’t tell me you ain’t looked at that girl. Come on now. I’m an old man, but I ain’t blind. There’s a lot to that one between the body and the brain.”
I shake my head, though not necessarily in denial. Obviously, after the way things transpired last night, there’s something more than just a working relationship between Leah and me.
But the last place I want to have all of my emotional realizations over the matter is in a fucking hospital room at my stricken father’s bedside.
“Why don’t we just table that discussion for a while,” I suggest, and again, he laughs and clutches his chest.
“Uh-huh, that’s what I thought.”
I roll my eyes but counteract the expression with a smile. He’s still frustrating, but man, I’m happy to be sitting here letting him give me shit.
“Oh, honey, you’re awake!” my mom says with pure delight as she walks through the door and turns her plain walk into a jog.