For Lucy

Just as she nods in understanding, the gate to the backyard opens. Tatum makes her way toward us, hands tucked into the pockets of her long cardigan, hair in unruly waves down her shoulders.

“Just wanted to check on you. I tried texting, but you didn’t answer. Did you get your work done?”

“Yes. Sorry. I must have left my phone inside. Dad made the most amazing dinner and started a fire, so I sort of forgot to bring it out here with me.”

“That’s fine.”

Lucy wrinkles her nose. “You were at Josh’s, weren’t you? That’s a much longer drive than if you were at home. Really, I’m sorry.”

Tatum takes a seat in the chair next to mine. “Yes, I had dinner at Josh’s, but it’s fine. I had to drive home anyway. What’s a couple blocks farther?”

“I assumed you were staying the night,” Lucy says.

I stare at the flames because I’m not comfortable being in the middle of a conversation about my wife (ex-wife) sleeping at another man’s house.

“I wanted to come home.”

“Is everything okay with you and Josh?” Lucy has all the questions. Bless the girl’s curiosity and natural ability to have a conversation, but enough with the Josh talk. We’ll be going to Royals games soon. We should discuss that instead.

Tatum rolls her lips between her teeth and nods several times. Even if Lucy can’t read it, I sure can. Something is not right with Josh.

“Okay. Well, I’m going to head inside and read awhile before bed.” Lucy gives me a grin like she’s pretty proud of herself for leaving us alone.

“I’ll be in after a bit to help you get ready for bed.” Tatum knows Lucy doesn’t need her help. And Lucy knows Tatum likes that time with her. Brushing out her hair. Putting lotion on her legs and feet. Nurturing her baby girl.

“Tell me more about this awesome dinner.” Tatum smiles after Lucy goes back into the house.

“She’s overstating it. Nothing special. I threw some steaks on the grill and put potatoes in the oven. Green beans to check off the green vegetable box.”

“Sounds good.” She draws her knees to her chest, heels of her tennis shoes resting on the edge of the chair.

I stick more marshmallows on the end of the stick and roast them. “You can’t let Lucy miss her therapy.”

Tatum frowns. “I know, but she had schoolwork.”

“She’s a straight-A student. I think she’s smart enough to multi-task. She’s also smart enough to play on her mom’s weakness.”

“What’s my weakness?”

“You ran a red light, and you feel guilty standing up to your daughter, who’s now in a wheelchair.”

“I’m protecting her. And I’m trusting her to know when she needs a break and when she thinks she can keep going.”

“Protecting her from walking? Trusting her to stay motivated? Everyone needs a nudge sometimes. Today she needed a nudge not a break.”

“That’s a little harsh.”

“Says the woman who works her dance students to death. How many times have you used the words, no pain, no gain?”

Tatum shakes her head. “That’s different. My students aren’t in wheelchairs.”

“And if we keep nudging her, she’ll get out of the wheelchair. Won’t that be an amazing day?” I sandwich the marshmallows and chocolate between the graham crackers and hand the s’more to Tatum, giving her a genuine smile so she knows I’m not judging her; I’m just loving Lucy more.

“No pain, no gain.” She grins, taking the messy s’more from me and squeezing it so she can take a bite.

“Everything okay with Josh?” I can’t believe I’m asking this, but I know she’s not talking about something.

“It’s …” she stares at her s’more and licks some chocolate before it drips onto her sweater. “Josh asked me to marry him.” After a few more seconds of eyeing the marshmallow and chocolate, she shifts her gaze to me.

It’s like losing her all over again. It’s the night she stomped her way back to the bar after I told her I wasn’t her real blind date. It’s the day at the hospital when I told her Austin drowned on my watch. It’s the day I signed my name on the divorce papers.

“And…” I clear away the thick feeling in my throat “…what did you say?”

“I said I need to think about it.”

“What’s to think about?”

“Lucy. She has one more year of high school left. And Josh has had some interviews at hospitals in Chicago. That’s where he’s originally from. So it could mean a potential move, and I won’t do that to Lucy before her senior year. Plus her therapists are all here.”

“She can stay with me. You can visit.” I don’t know why it gives me such satisfaction to play role reversal with Tatum. But she’s breaking my fucking heart again, so I feel a little punchy at the moment. “I’d make sure she gets to her therapy appointments. Andi has offered to help a million times too, so I’d have lots of backup with family.”