The Ivanhoe Gambit (TimeWars 1)

"The problem is a bit of disillusionment," said Finn, chuckling.

"Hey, it's not so funny," Bobby said. He looked at Lucas. "The legend of Robin Hood was always one of my favorite stories, you know? The truth is somewhat less attractive. Seems Locksley wasn't quite the man I thought him to be. After the archery bout, we made ourselves scarce. Then we ran into a few of the merry men. You might say they were impressed. They never saw anyone shoot like that before. More to the point, they never saw Locksley shoot like that before."

"Turns out the famous Robin Hood wasn't all he was cracked up to be," said Finn. "The impression one gets is that he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if he was standing in the hayloft."

"They were also surprised to see me sober," Bobby said. "See, Robin's been gone for a while, no one knows where to. Locksley's a fucking lush. Every now and then, he gets so blitzed he just takes off somewhere and doesn't come back for days. This time ‘I’ was gone for longer than usual. Marion's fit to be tied."

"You mean Maid Marion?" said Lucas.

Finn guffawed.

"Everything's a joke to this guy," Bobby said irritably. "Yeah, Maid Marion. Only nobody calls her that. That's because she's about as maidenly as Anne Bonney. Our referee friend who sent us out on this suicide mission didn't do his damn homework very well. The idea was that, as Robin Hood, I'd be able to use the merry men to help us out if need be. The only problem is, Robin Hood isn't in charge of the merry men. Marion is. Seems my main task is keeping her bed warm."

"And he's in a bit of trouble because he's been delinquent in his duties," Finn said, grinning. "Fact, he's A.W.O.L. right now and if he doesn't get his ass back soon, the boys said, she'll put it in a sling!" He started laughing uncontrollably.

"God damn it, Delaney, put a lid on it! That's an order!" Bobby said.

"Fuck you, son. I've been busted from master sergeant, captain and lieutenant, just to name a few. Don't give me

any shit about orders. I was getting my ass shot off with the Lost Battalion when you were still sucking at your mother's tit. I made it through some pretty bad scrapes and I intend to make it through this one, so if you're smart, you'll button it up and listen, both of you." Hooker chuckled.

"And that goes for you, too, squire," Delaney said. "Plant it and listen up."

"Okay, Finn, no one's disputing your experience," said Lucas. "What do you suggest?"

"Well, for one thing, forget about the fucking rules," Finn said. "There's nothing in the manual about a hitch like this, so you can just throw out the regulations. If we play by the rules, we're going to die and that's all there is to it. All we have to worry about is nailing this Irving character and then we can leave it to the refs to clean the mess up, because they got us into it in the first place. Unfortunately, we don't have much in the way of ordnance to give us an edge, but we do have a few of those trick arrows Johnson here brought back with him. The first chance you get, you draw a bead on this whacked-out ref and blow him to hell and gone. The shaped charges might not penetrate nysteel if he's in armor, but the shock of the explosion will kill him very nicely."

"Suppose we don't get a chance to catch him alone?" said Bobby.

"So what?"

"It might look a little strange if an armored knight suddenly explodes in the middle of a crowd," said Bobby, wryly.

"Who cares?" said Finn. "Somehow I don't think it's going to change the course of history. At most, it will become one of those wild stories that no one will believe."

"I think you're right," said Lucas, "but we may not get that opportunity. If we do, then our troubles are over. But we've got to decide what to do meanwhile."

"I've been thinking about that, too," said Finn. "This character's no fool. He knows several attempts have been made against him already, so he will have taken precautions."

"But we do have the advantage of surprise," said Bobby. "He doesn't know who we are."

"Yes, and that's the only advantage we do have," Lucas said. "If we luck out and get a crack at him, one of those arrows should do the trick. But if we blow it, then we've given ourselves away."

"So we lay back unless we get that chance," said Finn. "And in the meantime, we forget about preserving the status quo. There's still a lot that can be done without revealing ourselves. The first order of business is to straighten out this mess with the merry men. If the rest of them are anything like the ones we met, they're the most dissolute bunch of comical buffoons I've ever met. Nothing but a bunch of low-lifes. We're going to have to whip them into shape, cause we may need them. Look at it this way," he said to Bobby, "the Robin Hood of history may be the result of what you're going to do."

"What about Marion?" said Bobby.

Finn chuckled. "Well, when those lads report back to her, she's going to expect a changed man, anyway. Surely, you can handle a simple 12th century peasant woman?"

"I'm not looking forward to it," Bobby said. "I doubt she's anything like the lady who just left."

"Well then close your eyes and hold your breath," said Finn. "Either that, or teach her how to bathe."

Bobby frowned. "Thanks."

"That doesn't leave me with much to do except wait around for the fake Richard to show up," said Lucas.

"That's where you're wrong," said Finn. "You've got a lot to do. You've already become a hero to the Saxons as the white knight. Now it's time to reveal yourself to Cedric and make it up with him."