Mad About the Boy (Bridget Jones 3)

‘Right,’ said George. ‘We want you to meet Ambergris and . . .’

‘What?’ I said, straining to hear above the roaring sound.

‘I’m in a helicopter. We want you to meet Ambergris and we . . .’

He disappeared again. What was he about to say? Wee on her?

12.30 p.m. Imogen from Greenlight just called back to say that George wants me to talk to Ambergris Bilk about the script, but not to say anything negative about Hawaii because Ambergris is into Hawaii. ‘And,’ added Imogen coldly, ‘he wants you to make nice about Dougie.’

Hooray, am going to meet an actual film star. I shall wear a floaty scarf!

5 p.m. Just got back from school run. It’s true. I now realize everyone has floaty bohemian scarves double-looped round their neck. Is odd, though, when remember all the years Mum and Una spent trying to ‘get me into scarves’ and I dismissed them as old-lady accessories rather like brooches. Now, is almost as if everyone has just read Grazia and said, like zombies indoctrinated by Red Carpet Girls, ‘I must wear a floaty bohemian scarf, I must wear a floaty bohemian scarf.’

Friday 17 May 2013

Minutes getting dressed and groomed for school run 75.

5.45 a.m. Have got up an hour early to get styled and groomed for school run in manner of Stella McCartney, Claudia Schiffer or similar. Feel my look is marvellous, still with skinny jeans and ballet pumps, but now with floaty scarf looped round neck.

7 a.m. Woke Billy and helped Mabel up from bottom bunk. Just as was getting the clothes out of the wardrobe I realized Billy and Mabel were giggling.

‘What?’ I said, turning round to look at them. ‘What?’

‘Mummy,’ said Billy, ‘why are you wearing a tea towel round your neck?’

9.30 a.m. Back from school run with latest edition of Grazia, and found an article headed: ‘Is This the End of the Skinny Jean?’

Am going to go back to dressing like the mother in Good Luck Charlie.

HEADY GLAMOROUS TIMES

Monday 20 May 2013

Film stars met 1, mini-breaks planned 1, parties about to go to with Roxster 1, rides in posh car 2, compliments from film star 5, calories consumed with film star 5476, calories consumed by film star 3.

2.30 p.m. Everything could not be better. I am about to be picked up in a ‘car’ to go and meet Ambergris Bilk in the Savoy. Have tried on various versions of the skinny-jeans/scarf/shirt-buttoned-up-to-neck celebrity-at-airport look but finally have opted for the navy silk dress, even though it is becoming a little worn. Talitha has helped me order some dresses from Net-a-Porter for her party and have got a really nice one which is J.Crew and not that expensive.

Also in three weekends’ time Roxster and I are going on a mini-break. A mini-break! Just the two of us, for the whole of Saturday afternoon, Saturday night and Sunday. Am so excited. Have not been on a mini-break for five years! Anyway, must get on with notes for meeting.

5.30 p.m. In car on way back from meeting. Was initially disappointed when Ambergris arrived, as had expected her to sweep in in skinny jeans, shirt buttoned up to the neck, blazer, floaty bohemian scarf and enormous overpriced handbag, so that I could see how it was done, and everyone would look at and admire us. Instead I hardly recognized her when she suddenly slunk into the booth wearing grey sweats and a baseball cap.

There was a sort of bonding prologue – which I am getting used to amongst women in the movie business – taken up with Ambergris complimenting me on my outfit, the fact that it was just the navy silk dress seeming irrelevant. I felt that I too must then compliment her on her sweats.

‘They look so . . . sporty!’ I gushed wildly, just as an absolutely enormous tea arrived on a three-tier cake stand. Ambergris took a tiny smoked-salmon sandwich and toyed with it for the rest of the conversation, during which I consumed the entire bottom layer of sandwiches, three scones with jam and clotted cream, a selection of miniature tarts and pastries, and both the free glasses of champagne.

Ambergris expressed awe and wonderment at my script, placing her hand on top of mine, saying, ‘I feel humbled.’

Spirits soaring with the notion that my voice was really going to be coming to the fore, I moved on to making nice about Dougie: brushing over the anxieties Ambergris clearly shared with Damian and Imogen, that he ‘so needed it’ and hadn’t actually made anything which anyone had heard of.

‘Dougie really understands my voice,’ I said, putting a reverential warmth into the word ‘Dougie’. ‘You should do a meeting with Dougie.’ (I so have the lingo down now.)

It was agreed that Ambergris would do a meeting with Dougie and, all too quickly, it was time for Ambergris to go. I felt like we were best friends already. Also felt that was about to throw up from consuming an entire tea for two plus both of our glasses

of champagne.

5.45 p.m. Just rang up Greenlight ‘from the car!’ to boast about the success of the meeting, only to find that Ambergris has already called – from her car! – to say how intelligent and empathetic she thinks I am!

TALITHA’S PARTY