Biker's Virgin

He stopped immediately and dropped his hand. We stood like that for a long time, but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to break the silence.

“Would you like to sit down?” Tristan asked at last.

I nodded silently, and we walked towards his desk. Instead of sitting in his usual seat, Tristan chose to sit in the chair opposite mine so that we were only inches apart. I pushed back the remaining tears from my eyes and glanced up towards him. His eyes were fixed on me and he looked truly sorry.

“Why didn’t you talk to me about all this?” I asked, breaking the long silence.

“Because I knew what you would say,” I said. “You would try and convince me that it would be different with us.”

“And what’s the real problem, Tristan?” I demanded. “I think the real problem is that you have no confidence in yourself.”

“It is,” he acknowledged. “I realized that just recently.”

“So what are you trying to say?” I asked. “You don’t believe you have the capacity to give our relationship a fair shake, you don’t believe you can be there for me? Or is it that you don’t know if you can be faithful to me?”

“I was scared of all those things,” he admitted.

“Why?”

He paused for a moment and I saw the uncertainty in his eyes. “Because I am my father’s son,” he said. “And, I took over his empire. Mom left him because she was sick of waiting around for a man who was more in love with his empire than with his family.”

“I get it,” she sighed. “I understand why that was a problem for them. But we’re not them Tristan, how could you assume it would be the same for us?”

“Because that has been the case for every relationship I’ve had before you,” he said. “Do you know that my longest relationship before you lasted three months? Three months—that’s it.”

“Did you love any of your ex-girlfriends?”

“No,” he replied. “I can say that with every confidence. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

The moment the words were out of his mouth, he froze as though his deepest secret had just been found out. I looked at him with wide eyes. “What did you just say?”

“I…”

I could see him grappling with the words in his head. It looked like he was surprised himself, as though the realization that he had finally fallen in love with someone was a reality he had never envisioned for himself.

“I said, you’re the only woman… I’ve ever loved,” Tristan said slowly, as though he needed to hear it himself, too.

I felt a burst of happiness in my gut, and I wanted to run into Tristan’s arms right then and there. But I sensed the need to hold myself at a distance, at least for now. There were still things we needed to talk about, and I wasn’t prepared to be blind anymore. I had loved Tristan for ten years, but I wasn’t about to compromise my life or myself simply because he had said he loved me.

“Tristan?” I said.

“Yes?”

“You never slept with anyone else while we were together, did you?” I asked.

“No,” he replied. “I never did.”

“And the woman in your shower was—”

“Emma,” he replied, before I could finish the question. “It was only ever Emma.”

“And since we broke up, have you slept with anyone else?” I wanted to know. “And please, please be honest with me.”

Tristan leaned in towards me. “I haven’t slept with anyone else,” he said. “I haven’t even considered sleeping with anyone else. These last few weeks that you’ve been gone… They were hell, Molly. Honestly, it was like I was living in some awful nightmare. And I tried to tell myself it would pass, but seeing you now… I know that it won’t pass.

“I love you, Molly Sinclair…and I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

I felt my heart open up to him instantly, and I realized that I hadn’t been doing a very good job of getting over Tristan. I had simply been in denial. This was the real reason I had come back to Hawaii, to make sure that whatever had stood between us was gone…for both of us. But clearly, that was not the case.