Biker's Virgin

"I'm in a relationship?"

"I'd say going on dates and hooking up means you're in a relationship," she said smirking at me.

"I don't know whether we're labeling it."

"You don't have to. The labeling happens whether you like it or not. You're acting like a taken woman already."

"Taken," I scoffed. I had a weird feeling about being taken, especially by Roman. I had been for so long, then suddenly wasn't. I didn't know whether I was comfortable with saying that I was again, no matter how many dates we went on or how many times we slept together.

"Did you guys talk before he left?"

"He came here yesterday to say goodbye."

"He did? That was sweet."

"He was still leaving, though."

"You're really not giving him that?"

"No, I am. I'm just saying. It's getting more and more complicated."

"Complicated in a good way, though, right?"

"It would be good if he didn't have to leave," I said. "I know he has to and he wouldn't if he didn't need to do it, but it still sucks."

"You're falling for him."

"We dated for almost three years."

"You fell for him then and it's happening again now. That's why you're so upset that he's gone."

"No, it isn't," I said defensively. It was. It totally was, but I didn't want to acknowledge it and make it true. She looked at me with the same deep blue eyes her brother had.

"I know he's going to wait for you, Vee, as long as you make him, but you have to see that he means what he says to you."

I was supposed to be the psych major, but it wasn't possible to shrink yourself. I just needed some time. I wasn't blowing him off, and I wasn't lying to him about how I felt. He knew I was unsure about what was happening between us. She still had a point, though, no matter what I felt.

"Have you heard from him?" I asked.

"Yeah, earlier today. He texted." Did he ask about me?

"How is he?"

"Fine. He said everything's going well. He sounded confident about his performance."

"That's good. Right?"

"He's there to impress scouts, so that's very good."

"He really wants this. I hope it works out," I said.

"He's lucky he has you supporting him."

"How can I not? I wish what I felt with him was simple. I want him to be happy, and that means this. Going away for the combine and then probably again to play for whoever signs him. I just feel the closer we get, the worse it'll be when we have to separate again."

"You have to trust him, Vee. Talk to him. He loves you, and he isn't going to do anything that's going to fuck things up between you."

"You're right," I said, admitting it to myself at the same time. I could panic and keep trying to deny that it was true, or I could accept it. It shouldn't have been this difficult opening up to someone who I had trusted and had a history with already. I could only say it was because of what he had done to me for so long. Part of it was just me, not giving as much as I was getting from him.