Best Friend's Ex Box Set

“It’s a good thing I’m a man then,” I replied with a wink.

I laughed and put my hand on her lower back, motioning to the booths in the middle of the pub. We walked back and slid into a booth with a good view of the television and ordered some beers from the waitress. I was hungry, so I grabbed a menu and skimmed it really fast.

“Can I also get an order of your cheese curds?” I asked the waitress. The woman nodded and left to put in our order.

“Lord, that’s a killer,” Sandra said, shaking her head.

“You don’t like cheese curds?”

“I mean, I’m sure they’re delicious, but they’ll clog your arteries in a heartbeat.” She chuckled. “I’d like to live until I’m old and gray, and not be burdened with strokes and heart attacks.”

“Yeah, well, you only live once,” I said, my mind flickering to Lillie.

“So why not make the most out of it while you’re here and live a long and happy life?”

“I’ve come to learn that you can be the healthiest person in the world, but when it’s your time, it’s your time,” I replied.

“True. I personally have subscribed to a complete whole foods diet, minus the beer of course,” she said, lifting her glass. “I also follow this really stringent workout routine. It’s really not that bad once you get used to it.”

That was when it happened. She launched herself into a twenty-minute diatribe about her diet and fitness regime that seriously had me bored to tears. I was trying my best to pay attention and at least look interested, but all I could really think about was getting the cheese curds. Finally, the waitress showed up, which slowed Sandra down a bit, and we turned to the television to watch the kickoff.

The game started out with a bang, and despite her serious interest in health and fitness, which I told myself was not a bad thing at all, I was pretty excited to watch the football game with a fan. However, after about an hour, it became apparent that Sandra didn’t actually care about the score or the team in the least. I just kind of sat there, staring at her and wondering how I could have possibly missed this. She was one of those girls that liked to say she cared about the game, but in reality, had no idea what was going on.

She took the entire length of the game to talk about things that pretty much were either not relevant at all, or were completely wrong. I just let her go, though, because she seemed like she was having a good time in whatever world that she was in. She was so busy complaining about the refs, the coach’s salary, and the price of the tickets that I wasn’t even sure how she caught any of the actual plays. Not to mention that she went off on an entire tangent about corporate America, interspersing it with anecdotes from her own life, and telling me how she was the most successful person out of her entire group of friends. I just smiled and nodded my head, glancing back and forth between the television and her.

I was definitely not impressed in the least, and it was starting to get a bit annoying. The only time she shut up was when she was either taking a drink of her beer or snapping selfies to post on her Instagram page. And oh, God, her Instagram page. I had heard enough about that to make up my mind that I never, ever wanted to have an account. It sounded horrible, filled with pictures of girls like Sandra, interwoven with pictures of Sandra’s lunch. At one point, she tried to get me in on one of the pictures, but I declined nicely, telling her pictures really weren’t my thing. Instead, she took a picture with the waiter and posted it on her page, giggling at whatever she put as the caption.

Most of the date, though, I completely tuned her out, seeing her lips moving but not wanting to hear any more of her banter. Instead, my mind shifted to the weekend before when I had eaten spaghetti and meatballs and watched the football game with Elana and Tammy. They were really fun to watch the game with, especially Tammy who was loud, but she knew exactly what she was talking about when she spouted off at the refs. She also knew the name of every play they did just by seeing it transpire. I was totally down with enthusiasm, but fake enthusiasm turned me off so fast that I couldn’t wait to get out of there. I didn’t even care if I missed the rest of the game.

At Tammy’s, we had spent the entire game cracking jokes, shouting about good things, bad things, and anything else that happened in the game that gave us reason to liven up. Elana had laughed the whole time, watching me and her mom dance around the room and run laps, giving life to a day that was otherwise doomed to be shrouded in grief. I found myself wishing I was there with Tammy and Elana instead of in the bar with Sandra. Hell, I was wishing I was anywhere other than where I was at that moment. Anyone who knew me knew that I loved football season. Even in my darkest hour, I managed to catch almost every game of the season. I wasn’t a stuffed shirt that didn’t know how to have fun. I was just a guy that enjoyed doing things like I had done with Tammy and Elana.

Sandra, on the other hand, sat there chattering away, picking at her salad, and talking herself up to be this big badass. It was obvious that she had self-esteem issues, which I tried desperately not to stoke the fire of. I knew what it was like to stand in a room and feel like you didn’t belong. The biggest difference between the two of us was in situations like that, I stayed quiet, while she did her best to let everyone know that she knew what she was doing, even though everyone could tell that she had no idea what was going on. I wanted to save her from herself, but I was also starting to understand why she was part of a singles’ group and not out there picking up men on her own terms.

When the game was over, I paid the tab and smiled, helping Sandra to her feet and leading her out the door. She turned and gave me a big hug, the smile on her face not at all matching my feelings about the date. We stood there awkwardly for several moments until finally, she said something.

“I had a really good time,” she said excitedly. “We should do it again soon.”

“For sure,” I said, smiling. “I’ll give you a call.”

At that, we parted ways, and I couldn’t have been more relieved that the whole ordeal was finally over. I jumped in my car and headed off toward my house. I smiled and waved back at Sandra, who pulled up next to me at the light before making a right turn. I wondered if I should continue going to the softball singles’ games or not, not even knowing after that if I was even ready to start dating again. That had been extremely painful, and I couldn’t even imagine going through dates like that over and over again. Now I understood why so many people were more than happy to just not date. I knew dudes could be complete dicks, but that woman was giving me a migraine.

At the same time, I had enjoyed every second of my non-date with Elana. We had a blast, laughing, talking, having actual conversations, and being completely focused on each other. There hadn’t been one time that Elana pulled her phone out to check her texts or her Instagram account, and there were definitely no selfies taken. We dove into our time together, wanting to hear each other’s story and let loose, with no misconceptions or preconceived notions about what we were doing. Neither one of us went above and beyond to impress each other, especially since that wasn’t necessary. Elana’s true and beautiful colors shone through everything that she did. I absolutely adored every second we were together, even if it did end on a sour note, which was my fault.

It had been nothing like the nightmare that I had just gone through with Sandra. I literally had never been around a girl like that before. I had heard the horror stories, seen a couple from a distance at the bars when I was younger, but had never gotten myself in a situation where I had to entertain that kind of behavior and even placate her at certain points in the evening. She was a dental assistant for a living, which I was not knocking at all, but just thinking about sitting down in a chair for a cleaning and having her ramble on over top of me made me never want to go to the dentist ever again. In fact, I needed to make sure I found out what dentist’s office she worked at so I didn’t make the mistake of setting up an appointment there.

My time with Elana was definitely a breath of fresh air, and it made me start to doubt myself and my choice to break things off with her. I mean, she was off-limits, wasn’t she? I had made it that way in mind, at least. I had closed off another opportunity, blaming it on her connection to Lillie, but in the back of my mind, I knew I was just making up excuses. I knew that I had some pretty strong feelings for Elana, but by telling myself it wasn’t allowed, I was letting myself off the hook. I asked Sandra out for God’s sake. She was not my type in any shape or form, but I had pushed Elana away and brought this crazy girl into the picture. It was a classic case of self-sabotage, and I didn’t even realize I had done it until then. But I had already screwed everything up royally. I had treated Elana with a level of respect that I wouldn’t even have done to Sandra. I had blown her off and hurt her, and now, I wanted to change my mind. I was going to drive myself crazy.

Even if she wasn’t off limits, how could I possibly come back to her, hat in hand, after that disgraceful exit and apology via text?

Chapter 18

Elana

“Okay,” my mom said, handing me a cup of coffee and sitting down across the table from me. “I want to hear everything. Every little gory detail of your date with Jeff. I have been waiting and waiting to find out how it went. I couldn’t go ask him because the bank is closed on Sundays. I knew you were coming over today anyway, so I decided

that I would just have to put my excitement away and wait for you to tell me yourself.”

“Sheesh, Mom, take a breath,” I said, laughing at her excitement. “He picked me up from my apartment for dinner. I wore that blue sweater, black skirt, and black tights you always liked me in. Then we sat down, and we talked. I mean, he likes books like me, though he had no idea who Jane Austen was. His favorite color is blue, just like mine, and he picked up the check without even batting an eyelash.”