Best Friend's Ex Box Set

“You put the heat on low, put the lobsters in the pot, and then gradually raise the temperature until the water boils,” I explained in a soft voice. “That way they don’t know what’s happening until it’s too late.”

Surprise and recognition flashed across Brian’s face as he processed the story I was telling, then he nodded and said, “I imagine it’s more humane for the lobsters, right?”

“Maybe, but I’ve always thought it was tremendously sad to betray them that way; to use what they are familiar with to end their lives,” I sighed. “It feels horribly sad.”

“Yes, I imagine when you look at it that way, it is sad,” he echoed.

“As time went on, he got more and more possessive, but I was too blind to see that it was because the temperature was being turned up all around me,” my voice broke a little. “I would come home and find him pacing the apartment, worried to death that something had happened to me, so I’d comfort him and make sure he was okay, and that usually meant having sex. I got to be an expert at knowing exactly what kind of mood he’d be in depending on the text or phone call, and then I’d know precisely what I’d have to do when I got home. In some ways it was really easy because he was so predictable, but that also made him so much more dangerous. About three months after I’d moved in was the first time he hit me.”

“He hit you?” Brian’s voice was calm, but his jaw was tight and tense.

“He did, but he always made it seem like it was my fault. He would explain it as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and I’d find myself agreeing with him,” I said. “The memory of that first night is the most painful one because, in retrospect, I can see where it was all headed, but at the time, I was too naive and trusting. He’d followed me around campus that day, and he found me in the quad talking with a guy from my Chem class. He wasn’t someone I’d ever talked to before, and we had been double-checking our study guides because we had an exam coming up. Dominic showed up on the quad and ‘caught’ us. I introduced him and told him what we were doing, and he was so incredibly charming and funny that I didn’t give it another thought. In fact, I remember thinking how lucky I was to have a boyfriend who was so friendly and warm. What a fool I was.”

“So, he shows up and acts all nice to the guy, and then what?” Brian probed.

“When I got home later that afternoon, all hell broke loose,” I looked down, dropped one arm, and began picking at the bedspread. “He was in a rage. He interrogated me about the guy on the quad—Dave? Doug? I can’t even remember his name now. Anyway, he accused me of sneaking around behind his back and seeing other guys. I was shocked because that had never even occurred to me. Not once. I was happy with him, and happy in our home together, and I told him that, but he refused to believe me. He went on and on about how I was betraying him while I tried my best to show him all the ways in which I wasn’t. That’s when I started to get mad and tell him that if he didn’t believe me, then maybe I should leave. Big mistake.”

“Why? What happened?”

“The minute I said I was going to leave, he lunged at me, grabbed my arm, and gripped me so tightly that I had an imprint of his hand on my bicep for a week. He shook me and told me never ever to tell him that I was leaving again. He said that I couldn’t leave him, that he was the only one in the world who would ever love me this much and that no one else would want a girl whose father didn’t love her because it meant that she was damaged and worthless.” My voice was shaking as I repeated the words that had played over and over in my head for the past year. I’d never told anyone what Dominic had said, but I’d played his voice back again and again, wondering if he had been right about me. “When I started crying, he yelled at me to shut up and stop being such a stupid baby, and when I didn’t, he…”

“He what, Ava?” Brian’s voice was low and gentle. “What did he do?”

“He slapped me across the face and then told me to go wash my face and get dinner started or there would be hell to pay.” My breath was coming fast and rapid as I remembered. “It was the first time Dominic had shown his ugly side, but it was far from the last. And it got worse; so much worse, but after every episode, he’d cry and apologize and tell me he only got jealous because he loved me so much and was so afraid of losing me. He would shower me with gifts and flowers, and we’d take a trip together or go shopping for something new for the apartment. He was always so incredibly kind and sweet after one of his outbursts, and I was confused. I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong because I wasn’t doing anything. It got to the point where I didn’t even want to go to classes anymore because I was afraid of what would happen if someone tried to talk to me in class. I was scared and paranoid and totally dependent on him.”

“What a total asshole,” Brian quietly fumed. “He blamed his own insecurity on you and used it to keep you prisoner.”

“You know, this morning we were talking about Stockholm Syndrome in my Psych class, and I felt this cold wave of fear wash over me. That was me. I totally identified with him and felt sorry for him because he’d had such an awful upbringing,” I explained. “He’d been raised by a father who was practically a drill sergeant, and who had terrorized his kids with exercises at dawn and long runs in the middle of the hot California summer. It was brutal, and he had been totally traumatized by it, so I felt bad for him.”

“Lots of people are traumatized by jerks like his father,” Brian grumbled. “But they don’t become psychopathic abusers.”

“Look, I’m not excusing him, I’m just saying that he had problems to begin with, and I made the perfect target for his rage,” I continued. “It got worse, to the point that there was a period of about month when I didn’t leave the apartment at all. I curled up in the bedroom and ignored everyone except Dominic, who would call or text every 15 minutes just to make sure I hadn’t gone anywhere with anyone.”

“

Jesus, he kept you a prisoner!” Brian shouted as he jumped off the bed and began pacing the room.

I wrapped my arms tightly around my legs and pressed my forehead against my knees as I squeezed my eyes shut and gently rocked. Brian immediately noticed the change, stopped his pacing, and said, “I’m sorry, Ava. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“I’m not scared of you, Brian,” I mumbled. “I’m scared of what Dominic might be capable of, and I have no idea what that is.”

“How did you get away from him?” he asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed and gently patted my foot.

“I walked out,” I laughed bitterly. “He cheated on me, and I found out, so I walked out the door and never looked back. How cliché is that? I mean, the guy belittles me, hits me, and basically breaks down every part of me, but I don’t get mad enough to leave until he cheats on me with another woman? What a fool I was.”

“You’re not a fool, Ava,” Brian consoled. “Lots of people go through what you did and never find it in themselves to leave. But you left. You found a way to make yourself safe and you left him.”

I looked up at him with tears running down my face and shook my head as I spoke in a small voice, “But he’s never going to let me get away. Don’t you see? He’s obsessed with me, and I’m never ever going to be free of him.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, no, I’m not,” I whispered. “If he can’t have me, he’s going to kill me.”

Brian swiftly climbed on to the bed and wrapped his strong arms around my weeping frame and said, “No, he’s most definitely not going to do that.”

“How do you know?” I cried.

“Because if he harms even one hair on your head, I will make sure it’s the last thing he ever does,” he promised in a tense voice as he tightened his arms around me, and for the first time in more than a year, I took a deep breath and relaxed.