Best Friend's Ex Box Set

“Uf!” he grunted as my elbow hit his chest. “Ouch!”

“I’m so sorry Mr. Cheese It!” I slurred. “I didn’t mean to…mean to…what did I do again?” I was way over the legal limit and in danger of losing control of all of my faculties, and Cheese seemed to be more than willing to help me cross the line.

“No, baby, you’re fine,” he purred as he stroked the offending elbow. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need me to kiss any boo-boos?”

“Oh Cheesey, you’re so funny!” I laughed as I swatted and missed his shoulder. “I’m fine. No boo-boos.”

“Are you sure?” he whispered in my ear. “There are a lot of places I could kiss, you know.”

“I’m going to get up now, Mr. Cheese,” I slurred as I attempted to push myself up off of his lap, but the Cheese Man had other ideas and he pulled me back down, which, admittedly, wasn’t terribly difficult to do.

“Just stay, baby,” his tone was a little more urgent and I could feel the beginning of something stirring, and it was more than I wanted to encourage.

“Nope, I’m gonna get up and find the ladies’ room,” I laughed as I pushed up again. This time Cheese had a firm grasp on my arm and pulled me down hard.

“I said, stay,” he ordered in a quiet voice.

“No!” I yelled. “Let me go, Mr. Cheese! Let go! Let go! Let go!” An instant later three of the Fijis surrounded us; one pulled me off of Cheese’s lap and the other two pulled the offender up off the couch. Brian had quickly crossed the yard and now had an arm around me as he watched the fraternity brothers deal with their loose cannon member.

“Listen, Jackass,” one of the brothers said in a serious tone. “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you want to get us shut down? We’ve warned you about this kind of behavior and we have told you that we do not tolerate any kind of abuse or stupidity when it comes to women in this frat house. If they say no, they mean no, and you stop whatever you are doing and get them to a safe place. Under no circumstances do you ever use force. You’re such a screw-up. Get the hell out of the house!”

“Wait, guys! No!” Cheese yelled. “I can explain!”

“No, you can’t,” said the taller brother. “You’re done. We’ll have a meeting tomorrow and decide whether to eject you or not. Now, go find somewhere else to sleep tonight.”

Cheese shot Brian and I a dirty look as he slunk out of the house. Brian nodded at the brothers who’d evicted their offending member, and said, “Thanks, guys. I’m going to get her home. I think she’s had a good enough time tonight.”

“Hey, no problem,” the tall brother said. “Sorry about our idiot friend. He’s not a bad guy, just a little clueless.”

“Yeah, well, you’d better watch out that that cluelessness does

n’t get you guys suspended,” Brian warned. “You know how they’re cracking down on misconduct.”

“Yeah, we know. That’s why we’re policing it ourselves,” the brother replied. “All it takes is one idiot to ruin it all.”

“Well, thanks for intervening,” Brian said as he began walking me toward the car. I could barely stand up anymore, so he reached down and scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the car. He gently put me in the passenger’s seat and attached my seatbelt and then added, “And for God’s sake, if you have to throw up, warn me!”

I looked up at him and whispered, “Promise I will,” before I passed out cold.

*****

The whole ride home I leaned against the door with my head halfway out the window. I felt sick and wasn’t entirely sure that I wouldn’t throw up all over the dashboard. My mind was racing through hundreds of thoughts as we sped back to the dorm. What happened? Why is he so mad? Why aren’t I more worried about Dominic? Did I study for my Psych exam? Does he like me or am I just a work fling? Why do I care? Did I study for that Psych exam?

By the time we got back to the dorm, I was drunkenly grilling Brian about my Psych exam. “Did I study for that exam?” I slurred. “I think I need to study for the exam.”

“You can study as soon as you’ve sobered up,” he grimly informed me as he helped me out of the car and put an arm around my waist, and I leaned heavily on him as we made our way back to my room.

Once inside, I collapsed on the couch in a drunken lump, and felt the room begin to spin counterclockwise as I held my head with one hand and my stomach with the other. I moaned softly as I desperately tried to fix my gaze on something that would stop the dizzying speed with which the room was turning, but after a few minutes, I knew this was not going to end well. Weakly, I pushed myself up to a sitting position and then tried to stand. I fell back and began to cry because I knew I couldn’t make it to the bathroom on my own. The next thing I knew, Brian had swept me up in his arms and carried me to the toilet, where I immediately bent over and emptied what few contents my stomach still contained. It was painful and I cried as the waves of nausea rolled in over and over. Brian stood behind me, silently holding my hair off of my face and rubbing my back until the violent spasms subsided and I sunk to the floor and rested my cheek on the cool tile. Brian left the bathroom and then returned a few minutes later.

“C’mon princess,” he said as he gently shook me back to awareness. “Let’s get you into bed.”

“No!” I cried weakly. “I don’t want to go to bed! It will spin and I’ll throw up again!”

“No you won’t,” he assured me. “You’ve gotten rid of the bad stuff, now it’s time to sleep the rest off.”

“I don’t wanna,” I whined as he lifted me off of the floor and carried me to the bed. He gently removed my clothes and pulled a T-shirt he’d found on the dresser over my head, then he pulled back the covers and slid me under them before pulling them back up to my shoulders.

“You sleep now, okay?” he said softly. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”