Firefighter's Virgin

“Appreciated it a little too much.”

“It was wrong of me. To be honest, I barely even remember that night; that whole period was kind of a blur and not in a good way. Things in my professional life were not going particularly well at the time.”

“So you thought it would be good to mess up things in your home life, too?”

He shook his head. “That’s not it. I had a lapse in judgment. A severe lapse in judgment. But I do remember enough to know that nothing happened.”

“Yeah, because I didn’t let it! If I hadn’t stopped you, you probably would’ve raped me.”He winced at the word. “Allie,” he said.

I did feel as though some of the wind had been taken out of my sails, though. I’d gone into this conversation thinking that he was going to deny everything, that he was going to act like I was making this whole thing up. Instead, though, he’d apologized. Now what?

“I don’t think we’re ever going to have some close relationship or anything,” I said. “That’s not on the table anymore. But I guess I would like to be cordial.”

“If that’s what you want, I am more than happy to oblige. I don’t want to think that something I did to you has been negatively impacting your life this whole time. That was never my intention.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have climbed into bed with me in the first place.”

“You’re absolutely right—I shouldn’t have. And I’m thankful that nothing happened. You stood up for yourself, and that was a good thing. It just wasn’t a good time in my life then. I know that’s not an excuse.”

“Okay,” I said. “I guess that’s all I really wanted to talk about. Thank you for at least admitting it.”

When I stepped out of the study, I did not feel as triumphant as I had imagined I would. The whole thing just seemed kind of pathetic. He’d gotten drunk and tried to do something stupid, and I had let it affect me up until now. Put in that perspective, it seemed silly that I had let it bother me so much. I didn’t have to be close with Bill; I didn’t even have to have him in my life any more than was necessary.

I walked down the hallway and into the dining room, where Cole, Declan, and my mother were sitting at the table. Declan had a juice box my mother must have bought specially for him, and there was a platter of pastries, a bowl of fruit salad, and some little mini quiches. Cole shot me a glance as I came in, but he didn’t say anything.

“Wow, Mom,” I said. “This is quite the feast.”

“Oh, it’s just a little something. Sit down and help yourself.”

I wasn’t that hungry, but I took a plate and put some of the fruit salad on it and a croissant, since it was mostly air.

“Declan is very excited about going to LEGOLAND,” my mother said. She looked at him. “I’ve never been there before.”

“I haven’t either,” Declan said. “Do you like LEGOs?”

“I haven’t played with them much, I must admit. But I am very much looking forward to going to LEGOLAND and finding out more about them!”

I tried to hide my surprised expression by taking a bite out of the croissant, which was very good. I couldn’t remember my mother taking such an interest in a child, other than myself when I was younger, but even then, I had always felt like she

was half-distracted, thinking about something else.

Declan finished eating his fruit salad and slid off his chair.

“Hey, don’t go too far, buddy,” Cole said. “We’re almost done here.”

“Oh, you two take your time. I’ll give Declan the tour,” Mom said, dropping her linen napkin next to her plate. “Do you play the piano, Declan?”

“No,” he said.

“Would you like to give it a try? We’ve got a piano in the living room that no one has played in... well, it’s been a very long time.”

“Do you play it? Can you teach me a song?”

“I might still remember ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb,’” my mother said. She gave us a Mary Poppins grin as she followed Declan out of the room.

I set my croissant down and stared after them. “Have I stepped into some sort of parallel universe?” I asked.

Cole looked at me, then looked toward the living room where they’d just disappeared to. “She’s really good with kids,” he said. “I see where you get it from.”