Billionaire Beast

“Hey,” she said. “Thanks for coming to see me.”

“Sure,” I said. I was about to add Let’s get this over as quickly as possible, but stopped myself at the last minute. “What is it that you wanted to talk about?”

“Come on in,” she said, motioning for me to follow her down the short hallway to the common area, where there were some futons, a flat screen TV, a coffee table with a bong on it. “Don’t worry, I’m not smoking,” she said when she saw me eyeing the thing. “I stopped as soon as I found out.”

“So you probably were smoking then when you were pregnant; you just didn’t realize it yet.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Like I said: I stopped as soon as I found out. It’s still very early. The doctor says I’m six weeks along.”

“You’ve been to the doctor?”

“Of course I have! I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I had this cold that I couldn’t shake, and that’s strange for me, because I’m usually so healthy. I was exhausted and felt like shit. It didn’t seem to get any worse or better though; it just sort of stayed the same. I thought maybe I had mono or Lyme disease. Trust me, Ian, I was just as surprised as you were to find out. This isn’t something I planned.”

“So isn’t that what Planned Parenthood is for? Actually planning for parenthood?”

“You don’t want to sit down?”

“Standing is

fine.”

She sat. “Whatever you want. If you’re trying to suggest I get an abortion, I told you—I’m not doing that. Nothing you say is going to change my mind about it. I’d like it if we could be adults, though. I want us to get along, at least for our child’s sake.”

I felt my balls shrink just at the mention of our child. Jesus fucking Christ.

“Maybe I will sit,” I said. I sat down, but immediately started tapping my foot. I tried to stop that, and my fingers started to tingle, like I needed to start gnawing at my cuticles or else. I refrained from doing so, but the exertion made my intestines twist. A cold sweat broke out on my forehead that I hoped wasn’t visible. “What is it that you would like to do? I mean, aside from having the baby.”

“Would you like to hear my ideal situation, or what I know will probably be closer to reality?”

“Let’s stick with reality.”

“Okay. Well, I’d like it if we could get along the best we can. I’d like us to co-parent, not parallel parent.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“It means that we’re both involved in the child’s life, that we communicate with each other, that we might even do things together, even though we’re living apart. You know, school events, extracurricular activities, birthday parties—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I said. “I think you’re getting a little far ahead of yourself here. School? After school activities? This is years down the road. Even birthday parties. Kids don’t remember their parties till they’re at least five, maybe six. And I never had a big birthday party growing up, and I turned out fine.”

She gave me a look that strongly suggested she thought otherwise.

“You asked me what I was hoping for, and I’m telling you.”

“Okay,” I said. “So that’s co-parenting. What’s parallel parenting?”

“That’s basically where we both do our own thing. We may communicate once in a while, but when the child is with you, he’s with you, when he’s with me, he’s with me.”

“He? Did the doctor tell you it’s going to be a boy, too?”

“It’s still too early to tell. Though I did find out they can tell you at around ten weeks, if you do this blood test. Do you want to find out?”

“No,” I said.

And I didn’t want to be a parent, either. Not a co-parent, not a parallel parent, not any parent. Parents might be the ones to give you life, but they could also royally fuck you over. My mother had by marrying Pete; then Pete had by being such a dick.

“I wouldn’t mind if you came to some of the doctor appointments,” Annie said. “It might help, especially if you had any questions.”

“The only question I have is why this is happening, but I suppose I already know the answer to that,” I said. I rubbed my hand over my eyes. “And you had mentioned something about child support. I’d actually rather avoid having to go to court. It’d be nice if we could handle things ourselves, don’t you think?”