Roommate's Virgin

“No,” mom said, wiping away a stray tear and sitting up. “I can’t believe this… I thought he was the one.”

“You thought he was the one?” I repeated, with my eyebrows raised.

“Yes,” mom said, looking at me pointedly. “Didn’t you think he was different from all the rest?”

“I don’t really know,” I said, trying to contain my impatience. “I don’t think I can remember all of them.”

Mom narrowed her eyes at me, and I knew she was trying to figure out if I was making a jab at her. “Mom,” I said, taking her hand. “You knew him for such a short time… and he had practically moved in with you. Don’t you think that was a little fast?”

“We had a great connection.”

“You’ve said that about how many guys, mom?” I asked, trying to make my tone as gentle as possible. “If you feel this intense connection with that many guys then maybe… your radar is broken.”

I could feel mom stiffen and I knew this was not what she wanted to hear. She wanted me to be heartbroken for her but I just couldn’t muster up the right sentiment. I had seen this too many times for me to feel anything but indifference and maybe a little frustration. Ok… maybe it was a lot of frustration.

Mom and I had always had a weird dynamic. We could be best friends one moment and butting heads the next. Every time I felt like I could be honest with her, she would take it personally and then we’d end up in an argument that had nothing to do with anything we were actually talking about. I had to admit; sometimes I did the same thing with her.

“I don’t expect you to understand,” mom said, with a small sniff. “I mean… you haven’t ever had a real boyfriend.”

It was a low blow, and I pulled my hand away from her. “I’ve had boyfriends before,” I said.

“High school doesn’t count.”

“Why shouldn’t it?” I demanded.

“That’s not the real world,” mom replied. “Everyone is just playing at being adults.”

“You got pregnant when you were in high school,” I reminded her.

“Exactly my point,” mom said. “You pretend to be an adult, and then you’re stuck with the real-life consequences.”

I gritted my teeth. “Is that how you feel about Seth and me?” I asked. “That you got stuck with us.”

“Don’t do that,” mom said. “That was not what I meant.”

“You just said—”

“I know what I said,” she retorted. “That’s not what I meant. I love you and your brother, but that doesn’t remove the fact that I lost my life to the both of you. I lost my twenties and my thirties and now I’m trying to make up for lost time and you and your brother judge me for it.”

“I… that’s… we don’t judge you,” I said.

“Of course you do,” mom replied. “You both do. You resent the fact that I’m devoted to both of you like I was when you were children. But you can’t expect that of me now. You and Seth have your own lives, and I want my own too.”

“Come on, mom,” I said tiredly. “We don’t resent that you want your own life. We just… we’re concerned that when it comes to picking men, you pick all the wrong ones. They’re just looking to take advantage of you.”

“And what would you know about men, Zoey?” mom demanded.

I bristled. “You know what? You’re right mom,” I said, standing up. “I don’t have a whole lot of experience with men. And you want to know why that is? It’s because of you.”

“Me?” mom asked, looking at me with wide eyes.

“Yes,” I said. “I grew up with the knowledge that you had two children by two different men and both men had left and disappointed you. I didn’t have a lot of faith in relationships to begin with. And then Seth moved out, I entered my teens, and suddenly you decided to try and recapture your youth by bringing home a different man every month. They were all losers, mom; I never understood how you couldn’t see that.

“Because I was only a teenager and I saw it. They were not actually interested in you. They had agendas, and I always knew it would be a matter of time before they left you. I knew you would never leave them because you hated the idea of being alone. You were willing to put up with a whole lot just to claim that you weren’t single. And I just didn’t want to be that person. I wanted to demand more for myself. I didn’t want to be just another name on some ass

hole’s list.”

“Like me?” mom asked.