Abandon Ship (Anchored 4)

“No,” I lie. “Just taking the night off.”

“Glad you came anyway,” she says, and I know she doesn’t believe me for a second that I’m okay. I always play at the club. Always. It’s the one place where I can let my hair down and truly relax, at least for a little while. It’s the one place I can pretend to let my guard down, anyway.

“Where’s your boy?” I ask, and she shakes her head. She and her Dom have been on-again, off-again for awhile now. “Sorry,” I tell her. He’s a kind-hearted tax attorney, but Theodore has his own issues to work out.

“I’m fine,” she says, and I know Odessa is lying just as much as I am. “But I am going to find a Domme to play with tonight, if anyone will have me.”

“Mistress D is here,” I point out the obvious. Odessa works with Destiny, but they do sometimes play at the club. As far as I can tell, working together and playing together doesn’t seem to be a conflict of interest for people at Anchored. Most of us have gotten pretty good at keeping this half of ourselves separate from the rest of our lives.

We kind of have to.

It’s not like I can roll into work in my booty shorts and corsets and ask my boss to spank me.

No, being a member of Anchored means keeping things under wraps when they need to be. One of the reasons people feel comfortable playing here is that privacy is highly guarded. Most members don’t even realize or know June is the owner. She likes it that way. In fact, most people assume Master Thorn is the owner because he’s one of the biggest, meanest dudes here.

June lets them think whatever they want.

As long as people pay their monthly dues, which are through the damn roof, and they don’t cause trouble at her club, she’s fine with people assuming she’s just the bartender.

“She actually has a sub for the night,” Odessa says.

“Oh?”

I look to where she’s pointing and sure enough, Mistress D has a sweet boy all tied up on one of the stages. He looks nervous, as he should, but he shouldn’t be too scared. Mistress D is intimidating, but she’s not nearly as mean as people like to say she is.

“What about you?” Odessa asks quietly. “Why aren’t you playing tonight?”

“Oh, I’m just not really in the mood,” I say, but her eyes narrow.

“What happened?”

“Nothing,” I protest, but my voice comes out a whisper.

“You really want to go through this alone?” Odessa asks.

“What?”

“I’m right here for you, Piper. I’m right here. Literally.” She motions to the space between us. “All you have to do is reach out and ask. I get it that you might be scared or nervous or think this is nobody’s problem but your own, but it’s not. You have friends here. You know that, right?”

I tear up at her words.

I do know it. I know in my heart that Odessa, June, and even Mistress D would all be there for me if I asked them. The problem is that I don’t want to ask. The problem is that I’m scared to ask. I’ve been running for so long. I’ve been hiding for an eternity and right now, the last thing I want to do is drag anyone else into the nightmare that is my life.

Is that wrong of me?

Does that make me untrusting?

Maybe.

Maybe I need to get over myself and ask for help. Maybe I need to stop being so scared. The problem is that this fear? This fear is my cloak. I wrap it around myself and use it to ensure my own safety. I wrap this fear around me tightly.

If I wasn’t afraid, I would be dead by now.

I keep telling myself this.

To be honest, I’m surprised I’ve made it this long without him finding me. Tad is a lot of things, but forgetful? He’s not. I should have known it was only a matter of time before he started sending mail to post office box. I should have known it was only a matter of time before he started searching for me.

I guess I dared to hope it was over, but I never really believed that it was.