Below Deck (Anchored 5)

“You know me,” I shrug. He’s not wrong, and I’m not embarrassed to admit it. I know I need to grow. I know I need to change. Knowing and doing are two very different things, though.

“You lost your grandma, June. I know you two were close.”

I shake my head. “I can’t talk about that now, Ranger.” I look around the tiny office. Yeah, the walls are covered in nautical prints and pinup pictures. Some of them are nudes and some of them are vintage prints in lingerie. And yeah, my desk has a picture of my Granny on it. And yes, my Granny knew about the club.

She knew everything, and she loved me, anyway.

“Why not, honey?”

“Because I’m going to start crying, Ranger, and I have way too much shit to do today.” I look up at him, silently begging him not to push me. Ranger is one of my best Doms and one of my favorite people. He nods quietly and sips his coffee, but he doesn’t push me anymore.

For that, I’m grateful.

Ranger is a good man, an honest man, and I hope he finds someone who makes him happy someday. That won’t be me. Our relationship is strictly professional, and always will be, but I hope he finds someone he loves, someone he enjoys spending time with.

“So, how about this weather?” He says.

“Is this your attempt at being a normal, non-shrinky person?”

“It is.”

“You aren’t very good at it.”

“Hey, you can’t insult a Dom.”

“I can do whatever I like. It’s my club.”

Ranger laughs. “Okay, what do you want to talk about, June? What are you up to today?”

I motion to the paperwork on my desk. There are way too many piles.

“Ordering new equipment, looking at my taxes, dealing with billing: you know, normal business stuff.”

“It sounds painfully stressful.”

I nod tightly. “It is. I should be better at dealing with this by now, but you know me, Ranger.” I shake my head, again, not wanting to admit it. “I’m a bottler.”

“It’s okay to open up, you know. What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“Nothing, I suppose.” I might as well be honest with Ranger. “But the idea of changing the status quo makes me uncomfortable.”

“Why’s that, do you think?”

“Being a hard-ass is what got me this club in the first place. I saved up, fought for it, got it, made it happen. It was a dream for years before I finally cemented Anchored as my own. I don’t want to do anything that would cause me to lose this club, Ranger.”

“And you think talking about your feelings would make you lose the club? Can you explain your line of reasoning to me?”

Leave it to Ranger to shrink me. He always does this.

“You always do this.”

“Do what?” He asks innocently, but his eyes are twinkling. Yeah, he knows what he’s doing.

“You’re asking me to explain my line of reasoning, but what you’re really doing is pointing out that I’m a silly, silly girl and that my line of reasoning is inherently flawed and childish.”

He laughs.

“I’ll have you know, Ralph Alexander,” I put the emphasis on his real name. I pay him for these interviews, after all. I write his damn checks. I get to call him his real name and not his dungeon name if I want to. “That I am not childish, nor am I silly.”