Rock Star Returns: Carlie's Story (Access All Areas 2)

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you have a choice. Either you’re in this relationship, with all the scary shit that involves, or you aren’t in this at all. I know it’s not easy but I’m prepared to fight for you, to work my guts out for this thing between us but I can only do that if you are walking beside me, working at it too.”

I’d known it would never last between Holden and me. It’d been a fling, all hormones and lust. I’d let him walk away. I could commit my body, I could commit my time but I didn’t know if I could ever commit my heart.

“Just say yes, Carlie.”

I hung my head, not able to answer him and definitely not able to meet his eyes. I wanted to say yes to him and throw myself into his arms but I couldn’t. I stayed like that for a long time, long enough to hear Holden’s footsteps as he left me.

As I watched his back grow smaller in the distance, I realized it was over. There was no Holden-and-Carlie. I had nothing. Nothing but that cheap junk ring on my finger.

Chapter 24

I RAN AS FAR AS I COULD. From Holden, from the bar, from my messed-up life. I got home and stuffed some things in a bag then headed for as far away as I could. It was only when I got on the overnight bus that I realized I was going home. Not my home in the city but home to my parents. That worked. Holden would never return to our hometown in a million years, not now that he'd escaped.

I didn't bother texting my parents. They'd be asleep and were the types to wake up and answer the message. I didn’t want to disturb them. It'd be morning before I arrived. I'd let them know then. I curled up as best I could in the tiny seat, hugging my bag tight to me, and fell asleep.

I’d pulled that stupid ring off my finger intending to throw it as far away as I could but I couldn’t. I stuffed it into the bottom of my bag.

When I woke, the bus was on the outskirts of town. My neck ached and my back ached. I tried to stretch out in the narrow seat but there wasn't enough room. I needed to go to the toilet but the thought of crawling over the man asleep beside me to use the stinky bus toilet made me hold it.

The sun was strong already, making everything appear bleached out. The ugly farmhouses hadn't changed. The sign at the mill saying how many days since there'd been an accident said five. The house with the rusty tractor in the front yard still had the rusty tractor. Nothing had changed at all. The place had been frozen when I left, like a snapshot.

A bunch of high school kids waited at a bus stop. I bet they were exactly the same types. The bitchy girls who expected everyone to follow their rules. The rough girls who threatened to beat you up. The smart ones who planned to get out before the tentacles of this hell town wrapped around them and dragged them down into the murky depths forever.

I got out my phone and sent Mum a message, ignoring the list of missed calls. Mum would be full of questions but Holden King's name would not be mentioned in our house. I'd never told her what happened, not wanting to hear all the I told you sos and how Holden King was just trash, all the Kings were trash and would never amount to anything.

I'd never been able to make them understand that Holden was different.

After I messaged Mum, I went into the missed calls. Holden didn't have my number and if Alex or anyone else had given it to him, they were dead to me.

When I checked though, they were from Violet. There was a message too.

Are you okay?

I sent a reply, telling her I was out of town. I'd be out of town for a while.

Need anything? Alex said you were pretty upset last night.

Even though my anger tank overflowed with the pure rage I felt toward Holden, there was still a reserve for Alex. He'd set me up. Sure, I'd taken the money for watching Holden play but he’d known what he was doing and he tempted me into it. He had to share some of the blame. The two of them had zero respect for my feelings. No wonder Violet had chosen Razer over him.

We pulled into the bus depot in the middle of town. The middle of town being two streets of shops. I hoped Mum would be there to pick me up. I could walk to the house but there was a strong possibility that I'd run into someone I knew and they'd be all chatty and asking me about my life since I left town. Screw that bullshit.

I pushed my way off the bus and ran into the bus depot toilet. It hadn't been cleaned in a long time. I blocked my nose and hung my bag up, well away from that floor.

When I came out, I searched for Mum. I spotted her across the road next to the car. Talking to Mrs. Harrison, my Year Nine teacher. Holy crap. That was the last thing I needed.

I hid behind the bus and lit up a cigarette while Mum chatted. She'd be telling the old busybody all about how I was back in town. The thought of just keeping her mouth shut about my private business never occurred to Mum. Everyone would know I was back in town within five minutes and, believe me, there'd be no welcome parade. Just gossip and bitching. Sure, they'd be nice to my face but that meant nothing.

Finally, Mrs. Harrison walked off, so I ran over and jumped in the car before Mum could start talking to anyone else.

"You just missed June," Mum said. As though meeting June would be the highlight of my day. "You look done in. I bet you'll be glad to have a nice shower and sleep in your own bed."

I was going to protest, then it struck me she was right. The mank radiated off me after that bus ride. A shower would be perfect and then sleeping in a real bed. My back might never be the same after that bus.

"Thanks for picking me up," I said.

"Of course. You never come home. I was just saying to your father the other day that we never hear from you."