The Trouble with Rock Stars: Jackson's Story (Access All Areas 3)

“Hey, Jackson, get out for a minute. Gina needs to get changed.”

“It’s okay, he can stay,” Gina said, but I felt like I should give her some privacy.

I stood outside in the storeroom, the echoes of Alex’s band coming from upstairs. It gave me a chance to think about things. I’d never wanted to see that girl hurt, that’s why I stayed from her, but life had hurt her all the same. With me, she was the girl who shone, who made everything perfect. I couldn’t protect her from myself, I had to make myself worthy of her. That had to be my job, 100% of the time. I had to commit to doing that and follow through. No wallowing in self-pity. She needed to learn to fight for herself and, to do that, she had to see that she was worth fighting for.

When Carlie left, I sat down beside Gina and held her tight. I fought to get out the words I wanted to say. I needed to say them though.

“You see, this is why we’ll never work out. I couldn’t fight to save you. I’m not the man you need. I can’t protect you, most of the time I can’t even protect myself. I battle. I battle every day. Just to live with myself. You don’t need to be dragged into that.”

Gina’s answer surprised me.

“I don’t need you to fight for me. You did something more than that. You gave me the strength to fight for myself. I’d have never done that without you. I was going to leave town after tonight. Admit defeat and move back home. But I’ve changed my mind.” She turned so she could smile at me. “I’ll survive. If I fight and get knocked down, I’ll fight back even harder. So, you want to watch out, because you’re the one I’m fighting for. I can’t make you change but, if you really loved me, you’d fight for yourself. You need to get help, Jackson. I’ll support you any way I can but you need to fix up not just your hand but your mind too.”

Chapter 35 Gina

WE LEFT THE CLUB AND went back to my apartment. Jackson didn’t say much on the way there and, when we got inside, he sat on the sofa.

“That is one ugly teddy bear,” he said, throwing it on the floor.

“I think it’s cute.”

“Why all the boxes?” Jackson asked. “Are you moving?”

I’d told him how I’d decided to go back home at the club but he must’ve forgotten in all the fuss.

“You shouldn’t do that,” he said. “I don’t want to talk bad about your mother but, from what you’ve told me, she’s not good for you.”

I nodded. I knew that.

“Well, what do you think I should do? I have no job, no savings. I can’t just live on thin air.”

Jackson screwed up his mouth. “You’ll probably hate me for saying this but I’m happy to loan you some money, give you money even. I have more than enough. It’s not like it’s doing me any favors.”

I nodded, but had no intentions of taking money from him.

“Or you could get a job at the bar. They are always looking for staff. It’d tide you over for a while.”

It wasn’t quite the miracle I’d been hoping for, he wasn’t sweeping me up into his arms and rescuing me but knowing he wanted me to stick around was enough. The thought of living with my mother killed me inside.

We sat in silence for a while, something seemed to weigh on Jackson’s mind.

“I haven’t told you everything,” he said.

“I know.”

I topped up our drinks and waited for him to talk.

“When I was younger, I had a lot of women. I never really thought about it too much. They hung around the band and knew the score. I was never in one town long enough to have any kind of relationship anyway.”

It hurt me to hear that. I knew he’d played around a lot but I didn’t want to hear about it. I didn’t say anything, though. That was all in the past.

“Towards the end, things got really bad. That’s not a lifestyle that’s good for anyone. Fred, the lead singer, the guy in the bar – he got heavily into drugs, the hard stuff. He was getting a couple of the other guys onto it too. I tried to keep things in line. That shit will kill you.”

He took a sip of his drink and kicked the teddy bear with his toe.

“It felt like it was all on me, I had to keep everything together. I was so tired, so sick of it. Life had become barely worth living. I couldn’t see an end to it. Travelling from one town to the next, fighting with the guys. It was like we were scar

ed to stop playing or this miracle would disappear, so we pushed ourselves. I had problems enough without that. Thoughts, bad thoughts, circling in my head like vultures.