Echoes of the Heart

“I don’t fucking know!” he snapped. “I’m trying to think of something to keep this from happening.”

“This is the only way, Risk. I wish it wasn’t but it is. You’re going to live in America for the next couple of years while your band grows and finds success. I’m still going to be here in Southwold with my mum when you’re a worldwide superstar. Don’t you understand that? I’m always going to be here, Risk. My life doesn’t leave this little town . . . but yours will.”

“So what?” he snapped, his blue eyes aflame with hurt. “You’re setting me free, is that it? Am I supposed to fucking thank you for doing this to me? You think breaking up with me is what’s best for me?”

I was sobbing now.

“It is what’s best for you! How can you chase your dreams if you’re stuck in this town with me for the rest of your life?” I pushed against his chest, hating how he thought this was easy for me. Like breaking my own heart was something I wanted to do. “How can you live if you’re trapped here with me? How will you be able to breathe when I feel like I’m suffocating?”

I was screaming now, tears were flowing and my hands were beating against Risk’s chest.

He put his arms round me and held me as I sobbed. I clung on to him like my life depended on it. I pressed my face against his soaking wet chest for a moment longer, then I looked up. Risk was staring down at me, his eyes glazed over with unshed tears. I had never seen him look so angry, so hurt, so helpless. I was the cause of each of those emotions and it cut me like a blade knowing that.

“We’re done, Risk,” I said, lifting my hand to his face. “I’m b-breaking up with you.”

The muscles in his sharp jaw rolled back and forth as his ice-blues stared down at me. I scanned my eyes over every inch of his face, memorising it all so on the nights I was alone and hurting for him, I would know exactly how he looked in this moment.

“Why are you doing this to me? You’re my girl, why’re you pushing me away?”

My chin quivered. “I have to.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t have to. You’re the first person I have ever loved, you’re the first person I have said those words to in my entire life. You reached me before May and Hayes could, before music could. I thought you loved me, Cherry.”

“I do love you! I’ll love you my whole life,” I whispered. “I promise.”

“You couldn’t keep your first promise . . . what makes this one so special?”

The tone in Risk’s voice changed, it suddenly turned emotionless and when I looked up into his eyes, it was like I could see him building up a wall protect himself from further hurt . . . to protect him from me.

“I wish things were different.”

He licked his lips. “So that’s it?”

I couldn’t move.

“I . . . I guess it is. You have to go.”

“Everyone in my life has sent me away. My mum sent me away when she picked drugs over me, all those families I went on visits to sent me away when they didn’t want to adopt me, Owen and Freda drove me away when I was no longer in the system and couldn’t earn them money . . . I never ever thought you would send me away, too.”

My heart shattered as Risk took one step back from me and then another, I sobbed a little more with each one.

“Risk, please.”

His jaw clenched. “What?”

“Please,” I whimpered. “Just . . . just . . . kiss me before you go.”

I thought I would have to beg him, but I didn’t.

The words were barely out of my mouth when he surged forward and wrapped me in his embrace. We were soaked to the bone, but it didn’t seem to matter when he lowered his head and his lips met mine in a furious passion. I lifted my hands to his soaking hoodie and pulled him as hard against me as I could. Our kiss was filled with broken promises, unimaginable hurt, heartfelt love and the brutal reality that this was likely the last one we would ever share.

I didn’t want the kiss to end, but, like all good things, it did.

“I’ll keep your mum in my prayers,” Risk said against my lips before he took a step back and lifted his hand to wipe away the rainwater on his face. “I’ll come by tomorrow when you’re at work and I’ll get all of my stuff. The rent money for this month is in an envelope under the mattress on my side of the bed. Make sure you always have your inhaler . . . your prescription needs to be refilled next week. Don’t forget.”