She looks at me as if she doesn’t believe me, but Josie’s not one to cause problems. “I know, Dad.” But even hearing her say it, I know she doesn’t truly believe it. She shrugs her shoulders and walks away.
Jaxon gets up and quietly leaves the kitchen too. I’m left with a fuming wife who doesn’t seem to understand what she’s asking of me. It’s impossible.
7
Peggy
It’s always something. He never used to be like this. Plenty of things he had to do in the past were hard, but he didn’t just not try.
I know I should talk to him, try to make him realize what he’s missing, but I can’t. I’ve pushed and pushed so much that now I just feel like I’m nagging him. Eventually, he’s going to have to realize that it’s not his injuries that are tearing us apart, it’s his refusal to be a part of this family. I never would have believed it if someone had told me my husband would be sitting at home while our kids played a ballgame. Jeremy never misses a thing unless he’s out of town on deployment. But he’s home now, and we need him in our lives.
I left the kitchen shortly after the kids did. I got ready and made sure Josie has all her things. Jaxon’s already outside, no doubt worried there’s going to be another blow-up and he wants no part of it. “Fill up your water bottle, Josie.”
She grabs it out of her bag and goes into the kitchen. I walk toward the door, and I can feel Jeremy’s eyes following me. “We’re leaving, are you sure you don’t want to go?” I ask again, hoping he’ll remember that he’s strong and brave and come with us.
He’s quiet for so long, I realize he’s not going to answer me. He’s only going to stare at me as if daring me to say something else. I take a deep breath and try to say as calmly as I can, “We don’t care how you get there, Jeremy. We don’t care what any of those people think. We just want you with us. That’s it. This last year has put it all into perspective, and nothing is more important to us than having you here with us. We almost lost you that day. We. Just. Need. You.”
Josie comes back into the room, and no doubt she overheard. “Mom, he doesn’t want to come. Let it go.” She grabs the bag she had dropped by the front door and walks out of the house without saying a word to her father.
I look at Jeremy, and I’m so disappointed that he shakes his head at me. “I’m doing what I can do.”
“Are you sure about that?” I ask as I shoulder my bag. He looks at me, and I return his hard gaze. When he says nothing, I know it’s just another battle I lost and another important moment for our daughter that he won’t be a part of.
I turn and walk out the door, closing it swiftly behind me.
Jeremy
One by one, my family walked out of the house. All my years in the army, when I was on leave and home with my family, I always made a point to never miss a thing. Never. In the past year, I’ve missed more moments than I can count. I’m not the man to stay behind.
I don’t know how long I sit here just thinking about how over and over I’m letting my daughter, my son, and my wife down. Every day I’ve worked hard to be the man I need to be, and when push comes to shove, I give up, I don’t even try.
I bang my fist on the chair. “Fuck it.” If I fall on my face, oh well, at least my family will know I wanted to be there.
I go and get cleaned up and head out to my truck. Everything takes twice as long now, but I’m not going to let that stop me. I get to the gym and break out into a sweat as I sit in the handicapped parking spot right up front.
Taking deep breaths and practicing the calming techniques I’ve learned in therapy, I force myself to get out of the truck. I take my time and walk through the front doors, buy my ticket, and stand at the door of the gymnasium just as my daughter’s team scores a basket. Everyone is screaming and hollering, and parents are high-fiving each other. I ignore the pointed stares from the people closest to me. Some of them I recognize and some I don’t, but I’m not in the mood for chitchat.
I spot my wife. She looks beautiful. She has on her purple T-shirt with the school mascot on the front of it. She’s smiling from the recent score, and I watch as she high-fives the man next to her.