Then he crossed his arms on that chest and settled in.
Not much better.
Perseverance in the face of his gorgeousness, clearly, was going to be the key.
I called on that and carried on.
“So, I got embarrassed about that, and I can imagine you get that. What you don’t know is, that’s the first time I’ve danced, not stripping, in maybe three years.”
“Jesus,” he whispered.
I allowed that since it was a reaction and not an interruption. “And it felt really good, until it didn’t, and then you guys saw me, but it just brought to the fore the fact that I quit dancing not because I didn’t like it. I do. I love it. But because it came with messed-up memories and those were surfacing too. Around about the time I was dancing in that room I forgot to do it just because I loved doing it, and it felt amazing, then I did a minor screwup that meant nothing at all. But my dad got in my head. And I wasn’t angry at myself for messing up so much as angry at myself for still letting him mess me up.”
“Okay, baby,” he said softly.
Oh hell.
I hadn’t told him he couldn’t interject, softly or other, much less call me baby.
All of which was really nice.
I cleared my throat.
“So, to wit,” I started, Axl’s lips quirked, that was hot, and annoying because it was hot since it was messing with my mojo to get this done, but I kept on, “that was where I was at with that and I just let it get the better of me.”
“Understandable,” he said.
Okay.
Good.
Phew.
Next!
“And I get that it may not be cool I danced ‘Shut Up’ for you when I was closing you out and you have a girlfriend—”
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
Okay …
Um …
Oh my God.
My brain did mental cartwheels.
Then it hit me.
“A woman you’re seeing,” I amended to dude speak.
He shook his head. “No. We broke it off the day you messed up in that studio.”
Oh.
My.
God.
“Uh …” I forced out.
“We’re still friends and we hang, though,” he said.
“Oh, okay,” I mumbled.
“You think I’d kiss you like I did this morning if I had a girlfriend?” he asked.
“I didn’t know. But Brett said no.”
“For once, that guy is right,” he muttered.
“Though, you told me yourself you were seeing someone.”
“At that time, I still was, even though I intended to end it with her. That said, I told you that so you wouldn’t feel pressure and might feel safe connecting with me. Then, when I got you to that place, I was gonna move us forward.”
Hmm.
“Are you done talking so we can open up discussion now?” he asked, sounding amused.
The amused part didn’t make me happy, seeing as this wasn’t super easy on me.
Even so, we kinda already were discussing since I was letting him talk.
Nevertheless, I squinted my eyes at him and snapped, “No.”
“Right,” he murmured, now visibly fighting a smile.
Grr.
Onward!
“So, obviously, I had something to say with my ‘Shut Up’ dance that I wanted you to hear but I thought you had a girlfriend and I also was still messed up myself. So maybe I shouldn’t have said it when I wasn’t giving you the opportunity to react to it, but I had to do it and so I did. And I’m sorry if that wasn’t the right thing to do or if that seemed like I was jacking you around. I can assure you, that was one hundred percent not my intent.”
He said nothing.
But when I said nothing either, he said, “Is it discussion time now?”
“No,” I answered.
This time, he dipped his ear toward his shoulder and twisted his neck to hide his outright smile.
Really?
“I’m not finding anything amusing,” I informed him. “This isn’t super easy.”
He looked at me, still outright smiling. “I get that, honey. But you’re not experiencing the adorableness of you.”
Adorableness?
He thought I was adorable?
Wow.
Sweet.
No.
Concentrate!
“Can I finish?” I asked snappishly, or maybe somewhat fake snappishly, but whatever.
He threw out a hand in invitation to continue before crossing it on his chest again.
So I continued.
“However, even if you thought I was jacking you around, which I will repeat, I was not.”
“I didn’t think you were jacking me around, baby,” he assured, again with the soft.
And man, did I like that soft.
“Good, but onward from that, I screwed up with the girls, and I know Lottie is special to you, but that’s mine and theirs and not for you to get in the middle of.”
He looked like he was going to say something, thought better of it, and closed his mouth.
Through all this, I kept speaking.
“So, although everything you said in my studio was right, there were some ways it was wrong, but you still shouldn’t have broken into my studio and confronted me. Which you apologized about and that’s done. I’m not going over it. I’m noting it just to explain, maybe minutes after you left, that creeper called me so I obviously wasn’t going to phone you because you were mad at me. And …the way …you left …was kind of … final …”