A Kiss for a Kiss (All In 4)

The question is directed at me, and she looks both hopeful and expectant.

Jake and I glance at each other.

He starts with, “I think eventually that will make the most sense—”

“My life is in Tennessee.” Jake stiffens and moves his hand back to his lap. Ryan rubs his jaw and glares daggers at Jake, and I swallow down the desire to backtrack. By their expressions, I know it’s the wrong thing to say, but I’m already facing so much change, and Jake and I had never planned for this to be anything more than some fun between the sheets.

“Not all of it,” Queenie says flatly.

“There are a lot of potential complications with this pregnancy. It’s reasonable to hold off on a move until we’ve seen the doctor and had all the necessary tests,” Jake explains.

“I’ve lived in Tennessee for thirty years. I have a job, and a house, and half of my family lives there,” I tell Jake. And the last time I was pregnant I was hidden away at my aunt’s, and then moved from Ohio to Tennessee. “And let’s all be realistic about this. I’m very high risk because of my age and I’ve already miscarried once. I’m not uprooting my entire life and moving across the country when there are still so many unknowns.”

“I don’t think we need to make that decision right now.” Jake’s expression reflects his disquiet.

“Does this mean you’re not planning to raise the baby together?” Queenie bites her lip, her gaze flitting between us.

Ryan huffs an annoyed breath. “Why the hell should Hanna have to give up her entire life for you? Maybe you should consider moving to Tennessee instead of the other way around.”

“And maybe you need to back off and let Hanna and me decide what we’re going to do, since it isn’t up to you,” Jake snaps.

“Don’t you dare talk to my son like that,” I fire back.

“It’s not up to him to make decisions for you,” Jake retorts.

I roll my shoulders back. “It’s not up to you either.”

“I have a right to be part of this.” Jake points to himself. “I’ve raised one daughter on my own. I’m not going to back off and passively wait for someone else to decide what my role gets to be in this kid’s life.”

“If you want to be part of those decisions, I suggest you change your tone. I would never speak to Queenie the way you’re speaking to Ryan or me. You might not like the questions he’s asking, or agree with what he has to say, but you don’t get to talk down to him.”

“You know, maybe it would be a good idea for my dad and me to go grab a coffee and have a chat,” Queenie says, before turning her attention to me. “And then you and Ryan can have a chance to talk, too.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Jake says. His knee is bouncing restlessly and he looks a little green.

Queenie turns to Ryan and whispers quietly. He nods but doesn’t say anything.

Queenie and Jake gather their things, leaving me alone with Ryan. I don’t love the way that went down, but I understand this is emotional for all of us.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had feelings for Jake?” He doesn’t sound angry anymore, more hurt and disappointed than anything else, which is infinitely worse.

I realize this is less about the actual news and more about feeling like he’s been lied to. Ryan is very good at making it seem like he’s handling things well, but sometimes the truth is very different than how he presents. I slide down the couch so I’m closer to him. “We never intended to act on them.”

“What changed?” He spins his wedding band on his finger.

“I don’t know that there was any one thing.” It doesn’t make sense to be anything but honest with him. “We were talking more often when the wedding plans started, and he was there for me when I needed a sounding board.”

Ryan rests his elbows on his knees. “A sounding board for what? Why couldn’t you come to me?”

I give him a small smile. “Because it was your wedding, and I wasn’t going to put my insecurities and worries on you. I knew it was hard enough on you trying to juggle Mom and me and making sure we both felt included. And I appreciate the lengths you went to in order to make sure I felt like I was part of the day . . . but I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it was easy to stand on the sidelines. And not because of anything anyone did or didn’t do. I didn’t expect it to be as hard as it was, and Jake was there for me.” Being with him helped distract me from the stress of it all. And we connected in ways that no one else could really understand. And now we’re linked in ways that neither of us intended.