Devilish Game (Shadow Guild: The Rebel 4)

I nodded stiffly, trying to keep my gaze off Carrow.

Her friends left, but she lingered. Her gaze burned into me, and it was no longer possible to not look at her. I turned my attention to her face, confusion ricocheting inside me.

I shouldn’t want her. I knew all the reasons why, and everything I’d done to prevent it.

And yet I still did. . .

“The other night . . .” Her words trailed off.

Desire flashed through me, the ghost of a memory that I couldn't catch. It left behind the strongest sense of . . . loss.

“The other night,” I repeated her words. Should I tell her that I’d wiped my memory? “What about it?”

“What about it?” she asked.

I nodded. “What specifically concerns you?”

I hoped that the vague question would lead her into explaining to me what had happened the other night. My heart raced at the thought of what it might have been, like it remembered something I did not. An emotional phantom limb.

“I feel like that should be obvious,” she said.

“I don’t recall.” My words made her eyes flash with hurt and anger. I’d definitely said the wrong thing.

“There’s no way you don’t recall.” She frowned at me. “What’s going on, Grey?”

“You call me Grey?” The words escaped before I could consider taking them back.

“What the hell happened to you?” she demanded. “You’re the ice man again, and there are clearly gaps in your memory.”

I nodded stiffly. No point in pretending I hadn’t done what I’d done. “I asked Cyrenthia to erase parts of my memory.”

“You what?”

“I retained the memory that we are—were—Cursed Mates. And, also, all memories of our work together on things like this. But it was too dangerous to keep feeling the way that I did about you, so I asked her to erase the good between us. The softer parts. They’re gone.”

Hurt flickered in her eyes, and she stepped back. “That was . . .” She swallowed hard. “That was smart. Maybe I could do the same.”

No.

If she didn’t remember, then it would be like it had never happened. Somehow, that felt unbearable.

“It was the safest way,” I said, my words weak to my own ears. “I—”

“You don’t have to explain yourself.” She nodded, her eyes bright. “It was smart. Good thinking.”

“Carrow—”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She waved and spun, striding from the room.

I reached out for her, my heart twisting in my chest in the strangest and most unfamiliar way. Seeing my hand stretched out in front of me made me feel lovesick and stupid. I clenched my fist and drew it back.

What the hell had I done?

15

Carrow

I hurried through the dark hallways of Grey’s tower, my eyes prickling with tears that I refused to let fall.