Heat & Desire (Surrender to Them 4)

“That pot is empty.” He motioned to the pot that was sitting in the waiting area.

“I’ll go to the break room down the hall.” I took his cup and stood.

Micah seemed to get better after a few hours went by. I had been worried in the beginning, but most of his color had returned. I was pretty sure that he should have been hospitalized as well, at least for observation, so it was good to see that he didn’t appear to be in any immediate danger. The doctor’s words ran through my head as I walked down the hall. I didn’t want to think about the worst case scenarios. I would be there for Brody no matter what the future held when he woke up, but all I could do until then was wait. The break room at the end of the hall was empty, but there was a fresh pot of coffee, so I quickly refilled our cups. When I turned around, I saw Beth at the door with a blank stare on her face.

“I heard what you said.” She took a step into the break room.

“I know.” I looked down and my jaw trembled. “I’m sorry, I should have told you.”

“I should be so fucking angry with you right now, but all I want to do is hug my best friend.” Her red-rimmed eyes started to tear up.

“Me too.” I put down the coffee cups and rushed over.

I hugged Beth as hard as I could and the two of us started to sob. At the end of the day, we were still best friends. Forgiveness wasn’t necessary in the moment—we were two people suffering and we had always been there for each other. I had Micah, but Beth’s husband was working late and wouldn’t be there until the next day. She needed a hug more than she needed to hate me. Through tears and apologies, I tried to tell her that I really did love her father. I didn’t need her to tell me it was okay, I just needed her to know that it wasn’t something dirty or scandalous.

When our embrace finally broke, I saw the pain in her eyes, but the disdain had faded. That was enough—we could figure out the rest once Brody was out of danger. Beth fixed a cup of coffee and when we returned to the waiting room, she sat down beside me. I had Micah on one side and Beth on the other. If prayer worked, Brody was getting the strongest ones in Texas, because none of us wanted to lose the wonderful man we cared about so much. The night dragged on—hours of pain ticking away as we sat. Sometimes we cried, sometimes we managed to say something that made us laugh, but mostly we just tried to send as much positive energy as possible towards Brody.

“Could I speak with Brody Shaw’s immediate family?” A doctor I didn’t recognize stepped into the waiting room shortly after the sun came up.

“Go.” I looked over at Beth and let go of her hand.

“No, you’re coming too.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet as she stood. “You too, Micah.”

“Thank you.” I felt tears welling up and nodded as the three of us walked.

The new doctor had just started his shift and ran some additional checks on Brody. Things were looking much better. Brody had woken up for a moment, but he was very groggy. They checked his vitals and could tell he was in pain, so they administered another sedative just to be safe. I hated that I had missed the one opportunity to look into his eyes and make sure he knew we were all there for him, but I understood why they decided against having us in his room while he was awake. He wasn’t ready for that kind of excitement yet.

The doctor let us go back for a little bit, just to see him. The three of us held hands as we fought back tears, and then returned to the waiting room. We were all exhausted, and, despite our worry, we were fighting pure exhaustion. Micah offered to stay up a little longer and let us rest, so we took advantage of his generosity. It would be hours before there was any kind of update, and if Brody did wake up, I didn’t want to be completely dead on my feet.

“I’m glad he has someone.” Beth looked over at me and leaned her head against my shoulder. “I’m sorry I freaked out so much earlier.”

“You had every right. I know this is difficult, and will be hard for us to explain, but I promise you that I care about him more than you could ever know.”

“I do know.” A slight smile formed on the corner of Beth’s lips. “He’s amazing. How could you not fall for him? I should have seen it coming—you were obsessed with him in high school.”

“What?” I blinked in surprise. “Was it that obvious?”

Apparently I wasn’t as good at hiding it as I thought.

Brody

I knew I was in trouble when my mask got damaged. I had spent enough time inside burning buildings to understand the danger. I just couldn’t leave someone behind if they needed help. Even when the beam crashed down on me, all I could think about was making sure Micah got the woman to safety. As I lay there with all of the weight on my body, I realized death was imminent. If Micah couldn’t get back to me, or he was unable to get me out of the rubble, I would be listed as a casualty. I would never see Beth’s beautiful face when she became a mother or adore my first grandchild. I would never hold Wendy again. The job came with risks. All of us knew that when we took the oath. It didn’t make the reality any easier when I finally stared down the reaper’s scythe.

Micah saved me. I understood that. He was the reason I was in a hospital bed instead of the morgue. I was aware of my surroundings, but I felt like I was trapped in a dream. My body just couldn’t pull me out of the darkness. Micah came. Wendy came, and I felt her touch, but I couldn’t squeeze her hand. There was some sort of commotion, and then Beth was there. My daughter cried so much as she begged for me to wake up. Even in my dream, I felt panic. Did Beth know about my relationship with Wendy? Did I even care anymore? All I cared about was waking up and seeing the people I cared about. I didn’t want to bring them grief or be the source of their pain. They didn’t deserve that. I felt their love while I mourned their pain, simultaneously from the cold darkness that didn’t want to let me go.

I finally woke up, but it was a temporary respite. My physical pain wasn’t realized in my dream, but once I tasted the hospital air, I realized that I was in pretty bad shape. It was hard to breathe. My body did what it was supposed to do as it pulled oxygen into my lungs, but each one left me aching—I dreaded the next because I knew it would hurt even worse. The doctor talked to me, but I couldn’t understand his words. Something was put in my IV. It felt nice and took the pain away. Soon I was trapped in the dream world again—letting death tease my soul as I prayed for life. I just wanted to open my eyes. I didn’t care if it hurt. I needed to see the real world instead of the illusion my brain created. There was no bright white light, or out of body experience. I was there—just fucking there.

The next day

“Brody, can you hear me?” I heard a calm voice and my eyes parted.

“Get that damn light out of my eyes.” My voice was weak and I tried to lift my arm to shield my vision.

“I think he’s fine. Let’s get him moved to a regular room and let his family know where he’s headed.” The light clicked off and I saw the doctor’s face.

I was no longer trapped in t

he darkness. Breathing didn’t hurt. It felt good. I wasn’t going to die. Life was so precious, and I knew that it belonged to me again. The uncertainty was washed away. I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, and then my bed was pushed out of the ICU. I didn’t know how long I had been there, but what was important was that I was leaving. My time in isolation was over and the world was going to welcome me again.