Arson & Ache (Surrender to Them 8)

“Yes! Harder!” I opened my mouth wide and arched my back.

My muscles tightened, and my orgasm started to send waves of nirvana through my body. It was exactly what I needed, a placebo for what I craved after a night with two gorgeous men that left me wanting more. I believed that the real thing would be better, but I had nothing to really compare it to, so I just had to let my fantasy carry me towards euphoria. The orgasm surged through my veins, keeping the nirvana going until my clit was too sensitive for me to keep circling it. My body relaxed, but I was still shaking once the orgasm passed. My hand fell away, and I lay in a pool of my own lust, not even caring enough to get out of bed after the bliss that I brought myself. There was no way to simulate what would come after the desire was satisfied. I pulled my pillow close, but it wasn’t a rock-hard body keeping me warm—much less two of them.

I’ve never even been with one guy and here I am fantasizing about being able to satisfy two.

I wasn’t foolish enough to believe that I could actually have a relationship with two guys. I knew that was just a fantasy spawned out of my lust and turned into a moment that could never become reality. A real relationship was a lot more complicated than what went on in the bedroom. It was nice to pretend, but I only had a glimpse of Kincaid and Donovan during our date. They could have quirks that drove me crazy or neurotic tendencies made me want to stab them instead of date them. They were easy on the eyes—that much was obvious. It was enough for me to imagine pleasure, but was it enough for me to actually date one of them long term? What if I was forced to choose at some point? Could I look at one of them and say they weren’t good enough—that I was choosing the other one? They were best friends. What if I became a wedge that ruined that?

I need to get out of my own head. I’m supposed to be basking in the afterglow, not worrying about things that might never happen in the first place.

All I could truly do was wait for my phone to ring. They might not even call me. I could just be psyching myself out for no reason and never hear from them again. That was my luck. The closest I came to a relationship fizzled before it began because I thought the guy was just being nice when he asked me to go to a party. A few weeks later my best friend practically slapped me in the face when I told her, and she quickly let me know that he was trying to ask me out on a date. The party was just a way to spend time with me. He thought I rejected him and stopped talking to me entirely after that.

No, I wasn’t the kind of girl that had two extremely hot firefighters ready to claim my heart—I was just the one they were forced to go on a date with because I spent three point five million dollars to buy their attention. If I let myself believe it was more than that, I would end up with a broken heart before I even fell in love. Lust would have to suffice—it was all I had. Being aware of my own flaws at least allowed me to put things in perspective. It would be easier to stomach the silence when the phone didn’t ring.

Okay, I need to shower and grab my laptop. I’m sure I have tons of work waiting on me since Ms. Stone was working late.

Donovan

Monday morning

Kincaid liked Marissa. I liked Marissa. That was certainly going to make things complicated. I didn’t like complicated. I had a fucked up perspective on the world because of the way my father treated the women he was with—especially the ones he married. I thought about backing off of Marissa entirely when I saw how much Kincaid seemed to like her, but I couldn’t ignore the churn that was going on inside me when our hands touched. I wanted to believe that could blossom into something I had never really allowed myself to believe in before, but I saw the look in her eyes when her attention was on my best friend.

If the sparks were there, why should either of us ignore them? It wasn’t cheating if she was involved with us both and we knew about it from the beginning, especially if we were okay with it. A traditional relationship was never going to work for me. I had too many trust issues. The thing was, I had never really wanted a relationship. Marissa was making me think about things I swore I would never consider. I just wouldn’t be able to fully commit if I knew she had lingering desires for someone else—but there was another way. Kincaid wasn’t open to it, but I wasn’t done trying to change his mind. I definitely wasn’t going to let him have her all to himself—not unless it was what she wanted.

“You were in Chief Vance’s office for a long time.” I walked over to Kincaid’s desk as soon as he sat down. “Is everything okay?”

“It was just a vent session.” Kincaid leaned back in his chair and I saw anger in his eyes. “I’m tired of working with Detective Lewis. I came in this morning to an email from him asking for an update. He’d have a fucking update if he was actually doing something!”

“I don’t understand why the police are taking this case so lightly. Fireball keeps escalating—he’s going to kill someone.” I sat down across from Kincaid and sighed. “Do you want me to go through the case files with you again?”

“It’s a waste of time.” Kincaid shook his head back and forth. “I spent the weekend running through them until my eyes felt like they were going to start bleeding.”

“There has to be something we can do.” I leaned back in my chair and turned my head when Chief Vance’s door opened. “Uh oh, we may have a call.”

“Donovan, can I talk to you for a moment?” Chief Vance motioned to me.

“Yes sir.” I stood up and walked towards his office.

I wonder what this is about.

“Sit down.” Chief Vance pointed at his chair and walked around his desk to sit down.

“What’s going on, Chief?” I took my seat and stared across the desk at him. “Am I in trouble? I don’t think I did anything wrong this week. Especially since it’s still Monday.”

“No, you’re not in trouble.” Chief Vance sighed. “I just got off the phone with the lieutenant over at the police station. Their resources are tapped out and we’re not getting any help with the Fireball case outside of the few officers they’ve got assigned to it.”

“Kincaid was just mentioning something about that.” I nodded and then tilted my head when a thought crossed my mind. “Maybe they should try doing a calendar. Heated Cops?”

“The calendar isn’t what keeps us going—it’s the auction. Good job with that by the way. Livingston Capital was more than generous this year.” He nodded quickly.

“Thanks.” I couldn’t suppress a smile, because the auction made me think of Marissa.

“They were so generous that the mayor has given me the go-ahead on hiring a new investigator.” Chief Vance locked eyes with me. “Are you interested?”

“Wait—seriously?” I blinked in surprise. “You’re offering me a promotion?”

“Not officially. I still have to post the job and interview people, but I believe you’re the one that will stand out among your peers. I believe it so much that I want you to go ahead and start working with Kincaid on the Fireball case.” He nodded and sighed. “If the police aren’t going to give us any help, then we’ll just have to handle things ourselves. Consider it on-the-job training.”

“Wow, thanks Chief!” A huge smile spread across my face. “I won’t let you down. We’ll get that son of a bitch.”