Birthday Girl

The candle etched on my skin feels like it’s actually lit, the smoke from the wick drifting up the inside of my arm all the way to my elbow. I’ve known since Cole first mentioned tattoos two months ago that something that represents Jordan was the only thing I wanted on me for the rest of my life. The birthday girl and her wishes. She’ll always be a part of me.

I inhale a long breath, and even though I’ve washed the sheets several times since she left, I can s

till smell her hair on the pillows.

And if I concentrate hard enough and keep my eyes closed, she’s there next to me.

I snake an arm around her body, and pull her into me, burying my nose in her cool hair.

“Was I snoring?” she whispers.

I smile, trying not to laugh. “No.”

She’s so self-conscious, and it’s adorable. I hug her to me, feeling so filled, because everything I need is in my arms right now. Her curves fit every inch of mine, and I’m whole. My chest fills with something almost too much to contain.

She breathes calmly, and I run my hand over her naked stomach, my body coming alive for her. So easily, like it always does.

Suddenly, her small voice pierces the quiet room again.

“You got me pregnant,” she whispers.

I still. What did she say?

No, that can’t be right. We’ve been careful.

When I don’t say anything, she turns around and faces me, her guarded eyes on mine. “I missed my period last week,” she says timidly. “I took a few tests earlier today. Best I can figure is I’m about a month along.”

I close my eyes. Oh, my God. A baby?

My baby.

“I hope she has my eyes,” she tells me.

I open mine. “Your eyes?”

“Well, she’ll be a mix of both of us, after all,” she explains, “and I want her to have your smile. It evens out, right?”

I touch her face. “You’re sure? There’s a baby?”

She nods. “I’m sure.” She looks at me warily and asks, “Is that okay?”

I open my mouth, no words coming out. A baby? I picture myself waking up with an infant in the middle of the night, car seats, and cartoons, and I’m overwhelmed, but strangely, I feel...so fucking in love with her and the idea of her body growing with my kid.

But I wanted her to have choices. Does she really want this?

The only thing I know is that I want her. I want everything with her, and I wish, for her sake, it wasn’t yet, but I wanted this eventually.

“I love you,” I whisper. “I love you so much.”

She exhales and smiles as if she were holding her breath that whole time, and climbs on top of me, straddling me.

“I love you, too.” She kisses me, her naked body molding to mine. “I was so nervous. I didn’t know if you’d want more kids, or—”

“Shh, baby,” I tell her, kissing her and holding her face. “I love you. I just…” I pause and then continue, looking up into her eyes. “You’re stuck with me now, aren’t you?”

She gives me a little smile, and I take her ass in my hands.

“I’ve seen lots of bad love, Pike,” she says. “We both have, haven’t we?” And then she does the barest of grinds on me, awakening my body immediately. “This is the good kind. When you find it, you keep it. Nothing is more important.”