Plum Lucky (Stephanie Plum 13.50)

“I gotta go,” Lula said. “I got a room number where I’m supposed to show up, and I’m just gonna go wait.”

Briggs st

uck his head out of his bunk. “It’s the middle of the night, for crissake. I’m trying to sleep here. Do you mind?”

Diesel sat on the couch to lace his boots. “I’m hungry. I’m going in search of breakfast.”

“I’m going to get dressed and then check on Grandma,” I said. “I’ll meet you at the cafe.”

I was back to wearing my sweatshirt and V-?neck sweater, and I was in front of Grandma’s door. Grandma was usually an early riser, but just in case, I’d taken the keycard from Briggs. I knocked once. No answer. I knocked again and was about to insert the keycard in the lock when the door opened. A guy reached out, grabbed me, and yanked me into the room.

I recognized the guy. Wheelman for Lou Delvina. I didn’t know the guy’s name, but he and Lou looked a lot alike. Early sixties and built like a fireplug. Lots of black hair and caterpillar eyebrows. He had the front of my sweatshirt in one hand and a gun in the other.

“This is good. Real convenient. Now we don’t have to call you.”

When something like this happens, adrenaline pours into your system. It’s the whole fight-?or-?flight thing. It worked good back in caveman days because the smart choice was always flight, and you don’t have to think a lot to run like hell. My reaction to the adrenaline is complete and utter panic. I break out in a sweat. My heart goes nuts. My mind freezes. Fortunately, it only lasts for a minute or two, and when the panic leaves, I go into survival mode.

“I can see you’re real surprised,” he said. “Probably you don’t remember me. I’m Mickey. I work for Mr. Delvina. We had a run-?in with you not so long ago.”

“I remember.”

“Then you must remember Mr. Delvina,” Mickey said.

A gray blob of a creature hobbled in from the bedroom. “Well, well, Stephanie Plum,” the creature said. The voice was deep and croaky. The face was puffed up, the bloated body oozed into the head so that no neck was visible. The eyes bulged.

“Lou Delvina?” I asked, not entirely successful at hiding the shock. Last I saw him he was an ordinary middle-?aged Italian man. And now he was... a giant toad.

“Funny how things work out. I get money stolen from me, and it brings me you. Drops you right in my lap. How lucky is that? Bad luck brings good luck.”

“Are you sure you’re Lou Delvina?”

“Mr. Delvina hadda take steroids for a rash. He got some water retention,” Mickey said.

“Where’s Grandma?”

“She’s in the other room. We were just getting ready to take her for a ride. We stopped in to see if she wanted to give us our money, but she said she didn’t have it.”

“It’s in the hotel safe.”

“That’s just what she said. And she said she couldn’t get it out of the safe.”

“I hear you talking about me, you nitwit,” Grandma yelled from the other room. “What part of I can’t get it out of the safe don’t you understand?”

“It’s true,” I said. “She can’t get it out because she didn’t put it in. I put it in.”

“That’s a big fib,” Mickey said. “I called down to the desk. Some guy named Randy Briggs put it in.”

“He was a real A-?hole when he called,” Grandma said from the bedroom. “He told them I was senile and couldn’t remember. He’s gonna go straight to heck.”

“In case you’re wondering, we got her restrained in the bedroom,” Mickey said. “She’s a nasty one. She kicked me in the knee. We weren’t even doing nothing to her.”

“I was aiming for your privates,” Grandma said, “but I couldn’t get my leg up high enough.”

“You see what I mean?” Mickey said. “How’s that for an old lady to talk?”

Lou Delvina motioned for Mickey to bring Grandma out of the bedroom. “Bring her out,” he said. “I got things to do. I gotta get back to Trenton. I’m due for my allergy shot.”

Mickey trotted into the bedroom and wheeled Grandma out. They had her tied to a wheelchair and covered with a blanket.