Sizzling Sixteen (Stephanie Plum 16)

“Don’t be Miss Crankypants with me just because you aren’t gettin’ any.”

“I could get plenty if I wanted.”

“You know what your problem is? You got too many scruples. One or two scruples is okay, but you get too many of them, and it clogs everything up.”

What she said made no sense at all, but was probably right.

“I got some scruples,” Lula said, “but I know when to stop. There’s a point where you have to say enough is enough and screw scruples.”

“Is this conversation going somewhere?”

“If it was me, I’d sleep with both of them, and when they found out, I’d move on. Sayonara, sweetie.”

“Jeez.”

Lula looked over at me. “Maybe that don’t work for you.”

I sprang forward in my seat. “It’s him! Chopper just drove past us. Black Lexus, tinted windows, fancy wheels, and his plate starts with CH.”

“I’m on it,” Lula said. “Keep your eye on him.”

There were three cars between us. Traffic was moderate on Hamilton at this time of the day.

“He turned right on Chambers,” I said to Lula.

“He’s going for one of his burger places,” Lula said. “I bet he’s heading for Meat & Go. It’s just ahead.”

We lost sight of the Lexus on Chambers, but spotted it parked at Meat & Go. Chopper was a big-ticket bond, and I was tired of getting skunked. No way was this one getting away.

“Park behind him so he’s blocked,” I said to Lula.

“What are you, nuts? This is my baby. I’m not getting my baby rammed. We saw what happened with Ranger’s Jeep. I’m parking far away, where no one’s gonna park next to me and ding my door.”

“Okay, fine,” I said. “Just park.”

We got out of the Firebird and took inventory. Lula had cuffs, pepper spray, stun gun, Glock, pearl-handled Derringer, switchblade knife, and brass knuckles. I had my .45, cuffs, pepper spray, and stun gun. Lula wanted to use everything in her arsenal. I wanted to use nothing.

“No excessive force,” I said to her.

“S

ure, I know that,” Lula said. “Just get outta my way. I’m gonna bag this idiot.”

“No! Let me talk to him. He’s a professional. He’ll cooperate.”

“You always say that, and then they run over your toes.”

I put my hand to my chest and grunted.

“Something wrong?” Lula wanted to know.

“I think I have heartburn. What does heartburn feel like?”

“Pain.”

“I’ve got it. Do you have Rolaids?”

“No. I never have trouble with heartburn on account of I keep a positive attitude. And I got good digestion from eating right.”