Sizzling Sixteen (Stephanie Plum 16)

A sigh inadvertently escaped. “We’re really screwed up, aren’t we?”

“In a very large way,” Ranger said.

He slid his arm across my seat back, leaned forward, and kissed me. He ended the kiss, and our eyes held. And I was pretty sure he knew he’d smoked the Mercedes he’d given me.

I PARKED MY new car in front of the bonds office and went inside.

“Where’s Lula?” Connie asked.

“She went home to change. The little skirt wasn’t working.”

“Looks like you got a new car.”

“It’s a loaner from Ranger.”

“I hope you thanked him.”

“I’m running a tab,” I told her.

My cell phone rang, and I picked it up to Ranger.

“Bad news,” Ranger said. “Goodey didn’t make it to the station. He got carsick on the way, and when the guys stopped to help him, he managed to get loose from the FlexiCuffs, hijack the SUV, and take off.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I wish,” Ranger said. “We got the SUV back, but no Goodey.” And he disconnected.

A shadow slid over the office when the afternoon sun was blotted out by the hulking carcass of Mooner’s RV parking behind my Mercedes.

“Greetings, Hobbits Primula Boffin and Ysellyra Thorney,” Mooner said, ambling in. “How fare thee?”

Mooner was dressed in a T-shirt advertising beer, red capris pants, flip-flops, and a brown cape. Looked to me like a cross between a stoner and a Hobbit.

?

?It fares good,” I said. “How fares it with you?”

“It’s faring excellent. Doderick Bracegirdle was, like, mucho helpful with Hobbit Con.”

“Doderick Bracegirdle?”

“Formerly known as Vinnie,” Mooner said. “The dude is genius. He, like, came up with this awesome game. Toss the Cockring over the Dildo. It’ll be a wowser with all the Hobbit lovers. The problem is maintaining an authenticity level. Being that Hobbits are, like . . . little, the dildo would have to be size appropriate.”

Lula pushed the front door open. “What about a dildo?”

“Mooner wants to have a cockring toss at Hobbit Con, and he’s thinking the dildo would have to be Hobbit-size.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Lula said. “You need a Hobbit dildo store.”

“I looked in the Yellow Pages,” Mooner said. “Nada.”

“I imagine it’s a specialty item,” Lula said. “You probably have to Google it. Or maybe you could look on eBay.”

“Whoa,” Mooner said. “Brilliant.”

“Probably, you don’t want to leave the RV in front of the office for too long with Vinnie in it,” Connie said to Mooner.

“No problemo,” Mooner said. “Vinnie isn’t in it.”