Turbo Twenty-Three (Stephanie Plum 23)
“Omigod!”
“At least we think it was a rat. It was dark, and we couldn’t get a good look at it. It was one of them bite-and-run things. It didn’t sound big enough to be a crackhead.”
“Is Randy okay?”
“Yeah, he was all hysterical for a while, but he calmed down after we took him to the clinic and got him a shot.”
“Anything else go wrong?”
“While we were making our way to our final destination and going around the block someone stole Howie’s van. We should have seen that one coming. It wasn’t as bad as it might have been on account of it turns out Howie stole it in the first place. It’s just that it had all our clothes in it.”
“How’d you get home?”
“We called a Uber car but it wouldn’t let us in naked, so me and the makeup ’ho walked over to Stark Street, and the makeup ’ho traded some services for a ride.”
“Good thing you had a makeup ’ho on the team,” Connie said.
“Truly,” Lula said. “Otherwise I might have had to come out of retirement.”
“But you got your demo film, right?” I asked.
“Yeah. Howie is editing it for us and then we’ll send it in. We got some real good stuff on it. Those Naked and Afraid people would be nuts not to sign Randy and me up for their show, but just in case they don’t like this reel I got a backup idea. Naked bungee jumping. I figure we could go off the bridge over the Delaware. The one that says ‘Trenton Makes, and the World Takes.’?”
Connie and I were mouths open, eyes glazed. I actually felt my mind go numb for a beat.
“I bet nobody’s sent them a demo for naked bungee jumping,” Lula said.
My cellphone buzzed with a text message. It was from Sharelle. Just saw Winkle having lunch in Fat Dave’s.
“Saddle up,” I said to Lula. “Eugene Winkle is in Fat Dave’s.”
“And?” Lula said.
“And we’re going to bring him in.”
“How are you gonna do that? You got an elephant gun? You got Ranger in the trunk of your car?”
“I have you. I’m going to send you into Fat Dave’s and you’re going to charm Winkle.”
“That might not be a bad idea,” Lula said. “I am charming. I could charm the ass off him.”
“Exactly. And then we convince him that once we get him rebonded he’s going to have a really good time.”
“He might even know my reputation,” Lula said. “I was known for doing quality work back in the day. Of course, we aren’t really going to show him a good time. Unless he got some hot qualities. Then I might think about it.”
FIFTEEN
FAT DAVE’S IS a hamburger joint on the second block of Stark. It’s dark and dingy and has grease running down the walls. It also makes the best burgers in Trenton.
I was on Stark, looking for a parking place, hoping I wasn’t too late to catch Winkle.
“You know the secret to Fat Dave’s burgers?” Lula said. “It’s duck fat. Not many people know that on account of it’s a secret. He slicks his griddle up with duck fat, and it imparts that excellent gamey taste. And then he uses extra salt. Salt brings out the flavor of shit.”
I found a parking place on the third block, and Lula and I walked back to Fat Dave’s. We looked in through the large plate glass window and saw that Winkle was still there. We could tell by his gargantuan body overflowing the counter stool.
“You go in first,” I said. “You do your thing, and then I’ll come in and close the deal.”
Lula sashayed in and sat next to Winkle. I gave her five minutes, and then I went in and joined them. I had plasti-cuffs stuffed into my jeans waistband, hidden by my sweatshirt, and a canister of pepper spray in my sweatshirt pocket.