Look Alive Twenty-Five (Stephanie Plum 25)

“I wish you would solve this, because the deli job is getting old.”

“I hate to pass this on to you, but we’ve got zip. We’re counting on you to figure it out.”

“Oh boy.”

“I have to get back to my blood and guts job,” Morelli said. “I’ll see you tonight. We’re still on for dinner at your parents’ house, right?”

“Crap, I completely forgot. I have to work at the deli.”

“I thought this was a birthday party for your sister.”

“Double crap!”

I disconnected and looked at Lula. “I need to get a birthday present for Valerie.”

“You forgot your sister’s birthday, didn’t you?” Lula said. “That’s terrible. Shame on you.”

“I have other stuff on my mind.” Like staying alive.

“What are you going to get her?” Lula asked.

“I don’t know. I hate the whole present thing. I never know what to get anyone.”

“I

give people gift cards,” Lula said. “You could buy them in the supermarket. They’re easy. There’s gift cards for everything from Starbucks to Target and in between. I like them on account of the message they send. I figure it puts people on notice. A gift card says I feel obligated to get you something, but I don’t care enough to put any effort into finding just the right gift. Gives people some idea of their place in your life, you see what I’m saying?”

“You gave me a gift card for Christmas,” I said to Lula.

“Yeah,” Lula said, “but I put some thought into which one to get you. I gave you a card for that big liquor store on Liberty Street.”

“I’m heading for the deli,” I said. “The kitchen needs cleaning.”

“We need one of them cleaning services,” Lula said. “You can’t expect a sandwich artist like me to be scrubbing floors. I need to focus my energy in the direction of ham and cheese.”

I wanted to focus my energy in the direction of turning the deli into a pile of smoldering cinders, but that wasn’t going to help me find Wayne Kulicki.

“A cleaning service is a great idea,” I said. “You’re in charge of finding one. In the meantime, someone needs to scrape the grease off the grill and scoop up the dead roaches before we start serving lunch.”

* * *

¦ ¦ ¦

It was nine-thirty when we got to the deli. Stretch was already there, sitting on the sidewalk with his back to the front door. He stood when he saw me.

“Did I put sauerkraut on a number twenty-two?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said. “And ketchup. You put ketchup on everything, including lemon meringue pie.”

“I thought it needed a splash of color.”

“You were in My Little Pony Land.”

“It was my happy place,” Stretch said.

“It wasn’t my happy place,” Lula said. “You were out there, whackadoodle. I take my sandwiches seriously, and I don’t want some doper coming around adding extra condiments.”

Raymond ambled down the street and nodded in greeting. “I’m hoping that when we open the door, the deli will be magically cleaned,” he said. “I have it on very good authority that sometimes the tooth fairy has a light day and does these things.”