Look Alive Twenty-Five (Stephanie Plum 25)

“Not exactly,” Kloughn said. “Sissy drove off a bridge on her way to my office one day and killed herself. I think it was accidental, but I guess there’s no way to know for sure. She might have had a few drinky-poos before getting behind the wheel.” Kloughn tucked his tie into his shirt and carefully cut his ham. “She was ninety-three when she died.”

“Imagine that,” Grandma said. “Only ninety-three.”

The ham was dripping with gravy, and Kloughn leaned close to his plate to eat. “She had a lot of things to say about her nephew, Ernie. She said he was a weird kid, like he wanted to be emperor of the universe. Personally, I don’t think that’s so weird. I mean, lots of people want to be emperor of the universe, right? Anyway, I guess he always had a lot of schemes going while he was on his path to world domination. Sissy said he would always do anything to make money. When he was in seventh grade he sold his little sister to one of his classmates.”

“How did that work out?” Morelli asked.

“Sissy didn’t say,” Kloughn said, “but I know they aren’t on good terms. He might have tried to sell her a second time in high school. And he had aspirations of being a movie star. He has a bunch of movies he made on YouTube.”

“Real movies?” Grandma asked.

“They’re like homemade movies,” Kloughn said. “Some of them are a little s-e-x-y.”

“Daddy watches sexy movies,” Angie said to her mother. “Is he a perv?”

“No,” Valerie said. “He’s a Taurus.”

When we were done eating, I helped my mom clear the dishes. We brought the cake to the table, sang “Happy Birthday” to Valerie, and she opened her presents. I was the only one to give her a BeDazzler kit.

I ate two pieces of cake and pushed back from the table, debating whether I should return to the Snake Pit to take another shot at capturing Waggle. If I didn’t get him tonight it would be a week before I’d get another chance. Truth is, a lot could happen in a week. Waggle could get beamed up by the shoe aliens. He could choke on a chicken bone. He could become a Buddhist monk and move to Nepal. All these possibilities sounded good to me.

The party was over at eight o’clock. Valerie rounded up her kids and went home, and Morelli drove me back to the deli.

“What’s the plan for the rest of the night?” Morelli asked. “Do you want me to hang around while you lock up?”

“No. Not necessary. You can go home, and I’ll have Hal drive me to your house when I’m done here.”

He kissed me, told me to be careful, and waited until I was inside the deli before he pulled away.

Only two customers were still lingering in a booth when I walked in. Stretch was busy cleaning his station, and Lula was taking inventory for the purveyor orders. Raymond was squatting down behind the counter, sneaking a smoke. I didn’t see Hal.

“Where’s Hal?” I asked.

“He took out the trash,” Lula said.

“How long ago?”

“Not that long. Maybe ten minutes.”

“Have you checked on him?”

“No one’s gonna beam up Hal. He’s the size of a rhino.”

I went to the register, looked at the monitor, and went breathless.

“There’s something on the ground by the dumpster,” I said. “Tell me it’s not a shoe.”

Lula looked at the monitor. “It could just be a piece of garbage,” she said. “Sometimes garbage could look like a shoe.”

Lula, Dalia, and I went to the back door and stared out into the parking area. No Hal. A large black running shoe was beside the dumpster.

“Hal,” Lula yelled. “Come on out and quit joking on us. This isn’t funny.”

Silence.

“This is freaky,” Lula said. “Hal isn’t even the manager.”

I went to the monitor and used the rewind function to scroll back. I stopped the rewind when I saw Hal walk out the back door with a bag of garbage. He went to the dumpster, tossed the bag in, and turned toward the back door. He paused and looked left. Something obviously had captured his attention. He crossed the lot to investigate and moved off the screen. Time passed. Hard to say if it was a single heartbeat or ten minutes. I couldn’t drag my eyes away, and I couldn’t breathe. And then suddenly a shoe sailed into view from the left side of the lot and landed by the dumpster.