Twisted Twenty-Six (Stephanie Plum 26)

I STUMBLED INTO THE OFFICE a little after nine and went straight to the coffee machine.

“You look terrible,” Lula said. “You got big bags under your eyes. I hope you’re not coming down with something. It’s Friday and I can’t afford to catch the flu for the weekend. I got a killer date coming up.”

“I’m fine,” I said. “I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I’ll be okay after coffee.”

“You need more than coffee,” Lula said. “You look like you need the rest of the donut box.”

I brought my coffee to Connie’s desk, poked around at the leftover donuts, and selected a maple glazed.

“Anything new come in?” I asked Connie.

“No, but I heard Charlie Shine is back in town. He was one of the La-Z-Boys until he jumped bail a year ago. It’s going around that he came back to pay his respects, but my Uncle Emilio says it’s about the keys.”

“Does Uncle Emilio know what the keys look like? What they open? Why they’re so important?”

“Only the La-Z-Boys know, and no one’s saying,” Connie said.

“Does anyone know where we can find Shine?”

“I bet he’s with his honey,” Lula said.

Connie and I went raised eyebrows.

“Shine has a honey?” I asked Lula.

“Hell, yeah. Darlene Long. She’s been sitting pretty, living the good life the whole time he’s been away.”

I got a refill on my coffee. “Isn’t Shine married?”

“I don’t know about him being married,” Lula said. “I just know about Darlene, being that we used to work together until she lucked out and got her sugar daddy. She retired to a nice apartment with an elevator, and I retired to this sucky job.”

I ate a second donut. “You know where she lives, right?”

“I went to a lingerie party there once. Darlene and me aren’t that friendly, but we get along okay. She worked on the second block of Stark, and I was further up Stark with the hardworking ’hos.”

“Shine was a mega-bucks bond,” Connie said. “There’s no guarantee that we’ll get it all back since it’s a year later, but it’s worth a shot.”

I hiked my messenger bag higher on my shoulder. “Let’s boogie.”

Lula and I went out to the sidewalk and stared at my car.

“You got the Buick,” Lula said. “I’m sorry, but that’s a hardship car. It got no sound system or anything. We’re gonna have to take my car.” She cut her eyes to the Rangeman SUV parked behind me. “Hello! Who’s here?”

“Ranger thinks I need protection.”

“There’s two fine-looking men in that car. Maybe we should take that car.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I can see their muscles from here,” Lula said. “They spend time in the gym. I wouldn’t mind seeing more of what they got, if you know what I mean.”

“We’re supposed to be working. And they are definitely working.”

“And?”

“And they might be gay. You never know these days.”

“They aren’t gay,” Lula said. “I could tell a gay man. They got wonderful complexions. These two are blotchy. They don’t know nothing about skin-care products. I’m guessing they don’t exfoliate.”