Wicked Appetite (Lizzy and Diesel 1)

“Wow,” Glo said. “Eternal bad luck would be for a long time.”

“Yeah. And now idiot Mark wants my inheritance. He says he’s a collector. Fat chance he has of ever getting it. He couldn’t pay me enough. Him and his brother, Lenny. Too bad I didn’t get a chance to kick Lenny in the you-know-whats. Except Lenny would probably like it. From what I can see, Lenny is a real glutton for punishment.”

“That’s an odd choice of words,” Diesel said.

“It’s a figure of speech,” Shirley said.

I was watching Glo from the corner of my eye. She was feverishly thumbing through her book, her teeth sunk into her lower lip in concentration.

“Eureka,” Glo said. “Here it is. Ibis by honor. Tongue tie not. Freely speaketh. Truth told, I command magpie Shirley More.” Glo snapped her fingers twice and clapped her hands once. She pointed at Shirley, closed her eyes, and chanted, “Shirley. Shirley. Shirley.”

Diesel had eyebrows slightly raised. “Have you ever cast this spell?”

“No,” Glo said. “But I’m pretty sure I did it right.”

“Glamma bamma,” Shirley said.

We all turned to her.

“I wiggum big dick do flammy stick,” she said. “Eep! Lick stick rubba dubba.” Her eyes got wide, and she clapped her hands over her mouth. She shook her head. That wasn’t what she meant to say. “Gooky ball. Big gooky ball!”

Shirley was talking gibberish. My first thought was stroke. My second thought was psycho mushrooms. My third thought was so outlandish I didn’t even want to articulate it. My third thought was that Glo had done it.

“Holy cow,” Glo said. “What happened? She wasn’t supposed to talk gibberish. It was supposed to be a truth spell.”

“Are you sure you read the spell right?” Diesel asked Glo.

“I read it straight from the book. I was supposed to have powdered yak brain, but I couldn’t see where that would make a difference. I mean, we were in a crunch situation here, and I didn’t have any yak brain.”

Shirley glared at Glo. “You fart foreskin!”

“Criminy,” Glo said. “That’s harsh.”

“Okay,” I said to Glo, “assuming Shirley isn’t yanking our chain, and you actually cast some sort of spell . . . how about removing it.”

Glo had her nose buried in her book. “There doesn’t seem to be an anti-spell here.”

I looked over at Diesel.

“I’ve got nothing,” Diesel said. “I don’t do spells.”

Shirley looked panicky. “Scooby booby,” she said.

“Maybe it’ll wear off,” Glo said. “Some of these spells are temporary. The book isn’t always specific about length of time.”

“Hear that?” I said to Shirley. “Good news. The spell might wear off.”

Shirley flipped me the finger.

“More good news,” Diesel said. “She knows sign language.”

Shirley pulled her middle finger back and extended her index finger.

“One minute?” Glo guessed.

Shirley nodded. She whirled around and went into the bedroom.

“Maybe she’s going to come out with the secret inheritance,” Glo said.