Twist (Off Balance 4)

"Are you scared?"

Fucking right I was. I didn't want to die. I had too much to experience first. And I wanted a family with two-point-five kids one day. And a dog. I wanted a dog, maybe two. Joy never let us have pets.

Kids.

Sadness consumed me. Kova and I had unprotected sex—a lot—and by some miracle, I hadn't gotten pregnant. Not that I wanted to right now. But the thought of not being able to ever have babies hit me hard with a force that took my breath away. I'd always wanted to be a mother someday. Dreamed of it.

Abortion…

Avery. God, my heart hurt, my chest feeling hollow for the way I shut her out. She'd gotten an abortion, and I treated her like shit.

"Ana? You still there?"

I shook away the melancholy. "No, I'm not scared."

Xavier chuckled and I did too. "I knew you'd say that. Always putting on a strong front. A Rossi gene that you're born with."

I let out a sigh. "Yeah, I am scared. Okay? It's a lot to take in, and it's really overwhelming reading all this crap online basically telling me how hard my life is going to be."

I walked over to the couch and plopped down. I leaned my head back and let out a tired sigh and stared at th

e ceiling, watching the fan move in a circular motion.

Xavier coughed. "It'll get easier in time." He paused. "Probably not what you wanted to hear. Probably don't believe it."

No, it wasn't. And I didn't.

I closed my eyes and drew in a lungful of air. I had to be up early for practice, against my doctor’s better judgment. But I couldn’t stop. Not after all I’ve ever dreamed of having was finally at the tips of my fingers. Gymnastics was the one thing I couldn't bear to have taken from my life. Gymnastics gave me life, it gave me freedom. I was nothing without it. I didn't know who I was outside of the sport, and having it erased completely from my life terrified me.

To be blunt, I don't see you making it into your twenties still competing and training at the rate that you are now. It's not impossible, just highly unlikely. My mind raced a mile a minute as Dr. Kozol’s words added to the thoughts swirling around in my head, demanding to be heard.

My phone beeped and I pulled it away to look at the screen. Dad’s Cell.

"Hey, Dad’s calling me. I gotta take this."

"Oh, yeah it's cool, grab it. Just wanted to tell you I'm rooting for you. You're strong, Sis. You got this. I have an appointment to be tested to see if we're a match. Anything you need, even if it's just to talk or curse me out, hit me up. I'm your guy."

A sad giggle rolled off my lips. A tear slipped this time. "Thanks, Xavier. We'll talk later?"

"Later, little sis."

I clicked over.

"Hey, Dad."

"Sweetheart, why haven't I heard from you? I've been waiting all day."

"Because you already know," I responded quickly. Turns out he’d known before I did. He knew what I was walking into. "What else is there to talk about? You know everything."

Dad was silent for a moment. "You're upset with me."

"Yeah, a little. You should've told me. At least you could've prepared me. I've been in a state of shock ever since this afternoon."

"I wanted to, believe me, but I felt the doctors should be the ones to deliver the diagnosis so they could better explain." He paused, then said, "I was also worried you might panic and not show up."

I mused over his words. "I guess you have a point. I wouldn't have not shown up, but it would've been nice not to be blindsided either."

"I truly am sorry," he said, his voice full of regret. "Is that why I haven't heard from you?"