Dismount (Off Balance 5)

Kova took control of my body for the rest of the night while he made soul-searing love to me. There was no hurry to his kiss. He didn't drive into me like the intoxicating animal he could be. I didn't try to fight him or taunt him just to get a rise out of him.

We were just two lovers immersed in each other with desperate moans and shuddering bodies, wishing time would slow and the sunrise wasn't on the horizon.

Fifty-Five

I thought about Kova the entire time the movers had been in my condo.

My decision plagued every second of the long day, and it caused an awful headache from the stress. I couldn't stop thinking about the night before and how much my life was going to be so different a week from now. Mostly, I thought about how badly I wished things were different. My head was a mess and I wanted free from my thoughts.

Something he’d said stuck with me. I too couldn't fathom a life with him not around. He'd been the one constant in my world, and I was closer to him than anyone else. Any time I tried to imagine a life without him, this massive gray cement wall appeared before me. It left me feeling uneasy, which made me even more anxious for tomorrow.

I thought maybe Kova would've stayed the whole day too, but when I woke to an empty bed and a little note saying he’d be back to take me to the airport the next day, I was conflicted. I fell asleep with his arms holding me and our legs tangled together between my damp sheets. I was pretty positive we didn’t move until he left. Now that he was gone, I was missing him so much and wished he had stayed. However, the other half of me knew it would've just been harder to say goodbye when it came time to leave. A warm ache began between my legs. I could still feel his lips on my back, his nails digging into my ass cheek as he gripped it, the way his thumb stroked the front of my throat as he came inside of me. Chills rolled down my arms and need pulsed through me.

Kova hadn’t been joking when he’d said he was going to make me feel his love. I had felt it from the moment I woke up. I’d called Avery a couple of times to vent. I’d decided not to tell her anything about Kova showing up and staying over. It was something I wanted to keep for myself.

I glanced at the time over the stove. Thankfully the movers had been running behind yesterday. It was late by the time they’d finished and I was already exhausted from the night before that I fell asleep shortly after I took a shower. I slept in as much as I could until I got up to pack the last few things in my check-in bag. I had only an hour to spare before Kova arrived.

My knee bounced and I bit my bottom lip until it was raw. I was a mess and paced the floor, looking for last minute things to tidy up. Kova would be here soon and I needed to calm my racing heart and steady my hands.

I told him I'd meet him downstairs, but he said he had something for me and asked if he could come up. There was no way I would tell him no, so now I was waiting—

My heart dropped into my gut when I heard the knock. I wiped my palms down my distressed jeans and walked toward the door. God, I was so nervous that I could feel my heart beating in my throat. Heat broke out over my skin in anticipation. The closer I got, sharp knots twisted in my stomach.

Reaching for the door, I took a deep breath and unbolted the lock to welcome him in.

Kova turned around to face me and I felt a fissure along my ribs.

Oh, God. I couldn't handle it. My heart was on fire, and all these emotions I'd slept on were climbing to the surface again. He looked like shit. There were dark circles under his lackluster eyes like he hadn't slept since he left here.

Before I could think better of it, I closed the distance and stepped into Kova. His arms immediately wound around my body and hugged me to him. My eyes closed feeling his warmth surrounding me. I heard something drop behind me but I didn't bother looking. Not when Kova held me like he needed me.

"Adrianna," he whispered in pure agony.

I pressed my face into the column of his neck and squeezed my eyes shut. Kova tightened his arms and I savored the feeling. I wasn't sure I could do it.

"Tell me I'm making a bad decision," I said, breaking down. "Tell me I'm being stupid."

Kova pulled back and looked into my eyes. He came in and shut the door. The back of his hand brushed over my cheek. My lips trembled. His eyes were glossy and rimmed with a tint of pink. The facial hair helped hide the hollowness of his jaw. Kova was in a much worse state than the other night. I didn't know how I was going to get through another second knowing he wasn't mine anymore, and I wasn't his.

"I think it is a terrible fucking decision. The absolute worst you have ever made." His voice was raw. "But you made the right decision," he whispered, sounding like he was on the verge of cracking.

I released a ragged breath. Kova reached for my side braid and ran his thumb down the fishtail design. I wanted desperately to reach out and touch him again. I ached to, because later today I'd be hundreds of miles away and wouldn’t be able to.

"Your hair has gotten so long," he said. I think it was more to himself.

"I'd cut it to my shoulders if it wasn't so thin now."

I was quiet, reflecting. His eyes flashed to mine. Kova liked my hair.

"I used to think my hair gave me headaches." He looked at me in confusion. "It was so heavy when I tied it up in a knot. I thought it was giving me raging headaches from the weight and pull of the rubber band. Now I know it was the lupus because I never wear my hair up anymore for that reason and my head still pounds."

Kova wrapped the braid around his fist and gave it a gentle tug. The corners of my mouth twitched at his playfulness. I lifted my gaze to his and my knees almost buckled.

The distance and raw emotion in his eyes choked me up.

His regret tore at my heart.

His desperation and hunger ran along my skin and sunk into every pore.