Dismount (Off Balance 5)

"Two days."

My brows shot up and I looked back at her. "Two days?" I repeated. "How?"

Sophia took a small step toward me. She fidgeted with her fingers. The chipped paint on her nails caught my attention. I could tell she was being cautious. Worry prickled my arms. The more the anxiety grew inside me waiting for her answer, the faster the machine behind me beeped.

I'd been asleep for two days. Two whole days.

"I think I should go get your father for you, then you guys can talk."

"Wait. Why are you here?"

She tensed and I instantly felt guilty for my choice of words. I didn't mean to blurt it out and make her feel bad, but I didn't understand what was going on either.

Where was Kova?

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that," I said. "I'm just confused. That's all."

"I can imagine you are." I looked at her, waiting for an answer. "Your father and I…well…we had seen each other earlier in the day." Her voice was soft. "He called me when you were taken in the ambulance. I met him here and have been here ever since."

My frown deepened.

"You were unconscious and bleeding. Frank didn’t know if you'd hit your head or where the blood was coming from. He said he tried to wake you up and when he couldn't…" Her voice trailed off, too stricken with emotion to finish. "Well, you know the rest."

Her words replayed in my head. My chest rose higher and faster. My dad hadn’t known where the blood came from?

I glanced down at my arms. White gauze bandages were wrapped in various places, including around my arm in the sling. They probably covered injuries I’d sustained when I crashed into the glass table and took down the décor with me. I remembered hitting my head. I remembered feeling warm blood pool around me. At the time, I'd assumed it was from the shards of glass. Now, I wasn't so sure. There had been too much blood.

Tears blurred my eyes and my jaw quivered. Gripping the starched white bed sheets in my hand, I trembled as I fought with myself. I didn't want to pull the sheet back and see blood. If I did, then that would confirm my worst nightmare and I’d know the truth of what had really caused the bleeding.

Sophia walked over to me and placed her hand over mine. I swallowed hard and looked up at her. I could see the indecision in her eyes and how this was the last thing she wanted for me. I could tell she really wanted to help me but was hesitant as to how. What role in my life would she play?

My breathing grew ragged as I fisted the blanket tighter. I didn't have to ask, and she didn't have to answer. It was a given that if she was here, then Dad had told her everything. My chest strained with raw emotion as the look in my birth mother’s eyes confirmed my fear. Her face slowly fell.

Silent tears streamed down my cheeks as the truth set in. Sophia's gaze filled with sympathy. I wanted her to hug me, to tell me everything would be okay. I shouldn't feel a sense of loss, and I shouldn't be upset since this is essentially what I wanted.

But I was, and I did.

I'd had a miscarriage. I'd lost my baby.

I didn’t need anyone to confirm it for me. I felt it.

Placing a hand over my stomach, I closed my eyes and tried to feel for something, a signal I was wrong and just being paranoid. There was nothing. Had I felt one before?

I didn't want to answer that.

While I may not have intended to have the baby initially, up until I walked into a clinic and had the procedure done, the choice was not final and still mine to make. Mine to keep a child, mine to say goodbye to when I was ready. Then there was Kova's choice too.

But instead this was what I got—my karma. My punishment for wanting an abortion was not being allowed the opportunity to say goodbye.

Two

My baby was gone.

I may not have been ready to be a mother, but that didn't lessen the loss for me.

I guess history does repeat itself. I had a child taken against my will, and so had Sophia.

Warm tears blurred my vision. I rolled my lips between my teeth and bit down, fighting the emotion. Sophia took a seat at the edge of the bed. She was on the verge of tears too. My heart felt so damn empty as my world crumbled around me.