Hold On to Me

Damn it all to hell, he wanted Brooke to be his so fucking bad. And yet, that was his life, always playing a joke on him. Why couldn’t this one thing work in his favor? Why couldn’t Brooke be his daughter? John read the results again making sure he wasn’t seeing things. He might not have been present for her birth, but he was there for everything else he could be. He clothed her, fed them, and sheltered them. Didn’t that count for something?

“I’m sorry,” Alyssa said, breaking his thoughts. Maybe it was a good thing she spoke up since his thoughts were going in a wayward direction.

All John could do was gnash his teeth and not speak a word. Fuck! What could he say? It’s okay? That the daughter he thought was his wasn’t in fact his ever to begin with? It was like a fucking knife to his chest.

He closed his eyes. “Alyssa, please. I just need a moment.”

John stood from the couch and made his way to Brooke’s nursery, a room he paid for gladly. Glancing down at her sleeping form, he looked at this beautiful baby girl who had no idea what was going on in the world. Her ivory skin was flawless, free of worry as she sucked her thumb. John knew not to wake a sleeping baby, but in this moment, he had to hold Brooke. He had to feel her baby soft skin against his, otherwise he was going to break.

Lowering the front side of the crib, John reached down for his daughter …

Brooke wasn’t his little cupcake. Not his. Jesus Christ. The searing pain he felt in his gut just th

inking those words hit him hard. He was breaking over the results. Why should Ben be granted rights to this precious baby and not him? His life was so unfair.

Gently, John slid his fingers carefully under Brooke’s chest and lifted her from her butterfly printed sheets. He quickly grabbed the pacifier, then cradled a stirring Brooke to his chest. Her eyes cracked open and her fingers ran over his chest blindly looking for his tags. Once in her grip, she nestled in the crook of his arm, a light sigh, and then fell back asleep.

Brooke was his daughter. He didn’t care what any paper said.

Actually, screw what the paper said. Brooke. Was. His.

Leaning down, he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. He inhaled her sweet scent and closed his eyes savoring the moment. He could hear Alyssa’s silent sobs, sobs he knew she was fighting because he was fighting them too. A small gasp had him looking over his shoulder. His chest ached at the sight of her. Tears streamed down her rosy cheeks. Her eyes expressed the depth of her pain and remorse.

Possessiveness rolled through him like thunder. He vowed in that moment to never let anything happen to either of them. He was going to step in more and become a father figure to Brooke.

He whispered, “Brooke is mine, Alyssa. I don’t care what that paper says.” She burst into tears, but there was no way he could comfort her now, he was dealing with his own grief.

He kissed Brooke’s curly hair and then placed her back on the mattress.

Once she was sleeping, John and Alyssa made their way to her bedroom.

Shutting the door he spun around.

“Ben doesn’t deserve to be her father. She’s too precious. She’s goodness, she’s light on a dreary day, and she’s a gift. I want her.”

Alyssa lowered her eyes. “You don’t have to assume responsibility. Or even help. I honestly don’t know why you would want to now.”

“I know I don’t.”

“Then why are you trying to?”

“I just want what’s best for her. I care about that little girl and that scumbag never getting his hands on her or you, again.” He took a deep breath. “Do you trust me?”

Alyssa hesitated.

“Jesus Christ, Alyssa.” He was baffled at her hesitation. How could she not trust him all of a sudden? As if he would do anything to harm Brooke. “How much more do you think I can take tonight?”

Her shoulders were bunched tight. John knew this wasn’t easy on her either. “I trust you, I’m just scared, Johnny—”

“Don’t Johnny me. Don’t think for one second I don’t want Brooke because of what some paper says. The moment I set my eyes on her in your arms I wanted her. Why can’t you comprehend that? I love that baby!” he spat. He was on the brink of tears himself.

Why didn’t he just walk away? This was his chance to leave, that’s what Alyssa didn’t understand. Why did John insist on carrying all this baggage now when he didn’t have to?

Silence infiltrated the room. “It’s not that I can’t comprehend it, but I feel like you only want her because of all that you put in. Like you feel obligated now.”

“No one is forcing my hand. I just want to be in her life,” he enunciated each word. “That’s all I’m saying,” he grasped her arms looking into her eyes. “Don’t you see that?”

Alyssa was in a state of disbelief. It was almost too good to be true. “Knowing that you’re not her biological father, you could leave at any given moment. That’s not fair to Brooke! Me, I can handle it, but Brooke? No, it’s not fair! She’s just a baby. She’ll get attached easily and I don’t know if I can handle that.”