Hold On to Me

John sat back, legs spread on the grass and covered in Jace’s blood as the paramedic tried frantically to resituate Jace. He held on to Alyssa as life passed before his eyes. Mud fights, bonfires, family gatherings, Christmas parties, endless nights of laughter, girls, girls, and more girls. It all played in his mind like a giant blurry movie.

He and Jace in second grade on the playground.

Their mothers forcing them to join Cub Scouts, learning CPR basics but never thinking he’d have to use it on his best friend.

Food fights in the cafeteria.

Getting purposely kicked out of Cub Scouts.

Sleepovers.

Them entering sixth grade, thinking they were all hot and shit and meeting Ford.

Entering high school together … fresh meat.

Sneaking out of the house.

Freshman pep rally. Cheerleaders. All the girls …

Prom.

High school graduation.

College.

Too many events passed before his eyes, so many memories that he could not sort out. It had always been the three of them. They had been like brothers they were so close.

While the paramedics tried to work their magic, John knew he was at fault for Jace’s accident. Had he not had Alyssa call him, they would be at his house by now.

Pulling Alyssa’s face back, he kissed her tears away. She was hurting just as much as he was.

Hospitals are always such frigidly, sad places. The happy pictures mounted on the walls, with lake side images, representing happy days full of sunshine and fun were nothing but a lie. Cold, leather blue chairs, connected at the legs, took up most of the space in the waiting room. A muted television hung in the corner, subtitles running across the lower screen. Fake smiles dazzled the nurses’ faces when they made eye contact, but he could see right through them. It was such a deceiving environment that it made his skin itch.

Next to him sat Alyssa. She was his rock tonight. His girl. She stood strong while he was suffering inside.

Alyssa squeezed his hand giving him support, but John didn’t have the strength to squeeze it back. He was utterly empty inside.

Alone.

Vacant.

Not a feeling left to give.

No one in the hospital could possibly be thinking of days with endless sun. Not a chance. And if they were, they were flat out liars. In reality, their moments were full of gray clouded skies with unknown answers swirling in the air. Misery. Open ended questions. No one knew what lay beyond those walls. Seconds ticked by, turning to minutes, turning to hours.

Time passed them by.

A quick glance down at the phone and that’s all it took for his world to change.

If he blinked his eyes, it would have been over. And thinking back on it, he wished he had because the images replaying in his head would forever be seared into his brain. He’d do anything to erase them.

How did this happen?

Letting go of her hand, John bent foward. His elbows rested on his knees while his hands cupped his face. He prayed. Begged for a miracle. John bartered to cut his own life short if it meant Jace got to live. Please, dear God, let Jace be okay.

As if God was listening, a doctor in blue scrubs strode forward. Specs of blood coated his uniform, and he looked absolutely exhausted.

Ice cold dread filled John’s veins. Shaking off the goose bumps that coated his skin, John stood.