Hold On to Me

Jesus, he couldn’t have a more perfect girl next to him than Alyssa. He looked deeply into her eyes and saw the goodness and warm heart that she hid when they first met. Maybe it was fate that they met. Did he believe in fate, though? It sounded like such a childish fairytale thing to say, fate, but maybe the Big Man up above knew he would need her during this time.

Alyssa was staying for him, so it was only fair that he open up about tonight’s events. Taking a deep breath, John opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Alyssa’s lips. He was surprised, and wasn’t expecting it, but he savored the feel of her lips against his as he grasped her hip with his hand. She made him feel like he could make it past tonight.

“I thought you needed it,” she said quietly when she pulled back. “You look like you’re about to say something big.”

John squinted his eyes. How did she know?

“Maryanne took Jace off life support tonight. I stood there and watched as the doctors did it. She didn’t want me there, but I couldn’t just leave her …” he squeezed his eyes shut trying to erase the memory from his brain.

“That’s because you have a good heart, Johnny.”

“How can a parent have the strength to do that?” John shook his head in utter disbelief. Nothing made sense anymore.

“We aren’t given what we can’t handle. Not that anyone should have to handle that … you know what I mean? And from what you’ve told me, he wasn’t truly alive anymore.”

John just looked at her. She was correct. Jace was dead inside, kind of how John felt himself. “You’re right. It was just a shell of him, not who he was anymore. I felt it when I walked in a few weeks ago too, I just ignored it then.”

“Exactly. So you can’t look at it like that, like she pulled the plug or when she gave the doctors the final yes saying it was okay to do it. Because trust me, she’s not okay with it. It’s going to haunt her for the rest of her life, but she also knew in her heart that her son was gone. I don’t know … I’m just thinking that’s what she felt? Mothers have this weird intuition when it comes to their kids.”

John stayed quiet as he looked in her eyes. He felt his emotions intensifying, his heart soaring for her. She was his rock tonight when she shouldn’t even be. God, he loved her.

John Jackson was wholly and completely in love with Alyssa Winters.

He was drowning in a sea of emotions that he didn’t know how to make sens

e of. Jace … Alyssa … Alyssa … Jace … The sensations of being high and low at the same time made his eyes widen and a shiver break out across his body. He didn’t know how to handle any of it, but before he could process another thought, Alyssa gripped his jaw, threaded her fingers through the hairs at his nape and smashed her lips to his. She threw her leg over and hooked it around his waist and kissed away everything he was feeling that caused him heartache. He loosened his grip at her waist and skimmed the small of her back, pressing her to him. His hand curved around her ass feeling for her skin past her shorts. John fought to stifle a groan but he couldn’t stop his hips from rolling into hers. Alyssa felt divine in his arms. Her warm flush body against his is what he needed. He needed to feel alive and whole. And he needed to feel it with Alyssa.

Rolling her over, Alyssa moaned when he rested his body between her thighs. He aligned himself and pushed forward. John would give anything to sink right into her.

Placing an arm under her head to create a pillow, he deepened the kiss. He started out fast, feverish almost, that desperate need to feel that she was really under him, but then he slowed down and took his time. He lapped at her lips slowly, his tongue tangling with hers. He savored every moment of their kiss committing it to his memory. Alyssa’s hips undulated, and she moaned into his mouth. Sweet fuck. He wanted her at that very moment. But he wouldn’t take her. It just wasn’t right on so many levels tonight.

“Alyssa, baby,” he panted. “You have to stop.” At that, she squeezed her thighs as her hands roamed his back, her fingers gripping him. John groaned. This wasn’t going to be easy. Alyssa reached for his lips and kissed him again then whispered against his mouth, “Shhh … Let me take care of you, Johnny.”

“It’s not right … not after everything …” God, he felt like shit. What was wrong with him?

“Do you trust me?”

He nodded. John didn’t even have to think about his answer. He trusted Alyssa completely.

“Let me make you forget everything tonight. Right here, right now on the back of your truck.”

“I love you,” he said quietly, looking into her steely blue eyes. He dropped a soft kiss to her supple lips and allowed her to take over.

John needed Alyssa more than ever tonight, and she gave herself to him in every way. She took every ounce of him without a word as he lost himself in her over and over again.

Two days passed with countless calls and texts to John, but he never responded to any of them. She wanted to help him, be there for him after the loss of Jace. She knew he was hurting, there was no question about it, and she wanted to be the one to help him get through each day, but how could she when he disregarded her? What hurt was that Jace had been her friend too. Didn’t he see that? She might not be hurting as badly as John, but her eyes were swollen from crying and her heart felt ripped in two.

This is why she didn’t do relationships–friendship or otherwise. Everyone either left or she was forced to leave. Either way, she ended up feeling unwanted in the end.

“Why the long face?”

Peering over her shoulder was Ben. She’d been closing up and finishing her duties at work when he interrupted her thoughts.

“Just a lot on my mind.” Surely he had to know why she looked so miserable, right? That Jace had died?

Ben eyed her as if he was trying to read her thoughts. “Here, let me help you.” He grabbed a wet rag, but she stopped him.

“You don’t have to do that. Go home, your shift is over.”